Neely

Frankcarlo

Families in the Spotlight (Chris)

Karen, Chris’s mom is extraordinary. She is the reason that her son, now age six, is a warm, loving success, although you could never get her to admit it. In only an hour I was able to become a part of her family and by the end I was ready to pack up and move in.

When I began the interview, I already had very high expectations for Karen. Seeing her on videotape doing RDI with her son is a moving experience. There is a connection between them that is not vocal. It is the way that they look at each other and smile and the infinite patience that Karen has for her son. Finally being able to talk to Karen it was easy to see why she and Chris make a wonderful match.

Karen and her husband Jim discovered that Chris was PDD at three years of age. Up until that point he had been a very happy baby. Jim told me, “He was what you expect from a new baby. He was clingy and pretty darn typical. When we moved and Catie (Chris’s younger sister) was born in the same week, instead of acting out he just shut down. He began spinning wheels and rolling his cars back and forth. Even during that time, his hugging and initiation of affection was there.”

When Karen and Jim noticed a difference, they immediately began to research methods of working with him. About a year and a half ago, when Chris was 4, Karen came across Dr. Gutstein’s first book, “Solving the Relationship Puzzle”. She says “I loved the title. It was really intriguing. I read the whole book in one day. I couldn’t put it down. It was like finding that missing piece to everything we were trying to do with our son, but didn’t have structure for. I thought to myself, can we do this? And I decided this was something that we could really do. After reading the book we went to a workshop on Long Island a year ago this past March and then all the way to Houston.”

In Houston, Chris and his parents worked with therapists at the Connections Center. Karen described the first time that they watched Chris through the one-way mirror. “As they went on through activities, they were really great in the way they connected. Chris was really anxious when they first got there. He didn’t look like his usual bouncy connected self, but as the evaluation went on, they really made him feel comfortable.” Karen and Jim immediately began to notice a positive difference in Chris’s actions, even in the midst of their evaluation. As Jim relates, “When we walked out of the Connections Center office we had some wait time, Chris and I walked to Whole Foods Market and walked back. In the office they had played ‘Unexpected Jokes’ with him. We were doing that together while we were walking and he was laughing and making up silly endings. When we got home, the amount of referencing we were doing was incredible. Immediately afterwards he was playing well with my cousins son. After a couple of weeks, he would look at something and then look back to our face. That was a big thing.”

Karen and Jim were surprised that Chris came out as so advanced in his evaluation of RDI Functions and Skills. “We were underestimating Chris, and were surprised at where they put him. Parent’s are always overestimating their children, so we were surprised at where he was and what he could do.”

Their confidence in doing RDI with Chris increased when they attended a two-day RDI workshop on Long Island. “The workshop was great. I especially enjoyed seeing the video clips. I liked how Dr. Gutstein presented why you would want to do this with your child. He talked about why these kids weren’t having success socially. It wasn’t just about how to get results. He was so open to questions.

Another facet of intervention that Karen found helpful was receiving consultation via bi-weekly videotapes she sent to Connections Center. As Karen told me, “One thing that has been really nice has been the feedback from Rachelle (Dr. Sheely). It has given me confidence about what I am doing. Before I felt really anxious and I doubted my abilities. It is helpful that I know Chris and I know what I am doing.”

One of the reasons Chris was so advanced when evaluated at the Connections Center is that even before he was formally introduced to RDI, Karen was able to work from the books and facilitate his Experience Sharing development. Karen, who has a master’s degree in education, intuitively knew what was working and what was not working for her son. She says, “Coming into it I felt like ‘what am I doing?’ But I realized that I do know Chris and I was able to get him engaged. Things that we choose to do with Chris are based upon things we hope for him to have in his life. We want him to experience some sense of joy and happiness for other people. Karen’s positive attitude about her hopes for Chris is matched by the enjoyment she gets from working with her child. “It is really fun. It is so nice to be doing something that is therapy and at the same time having a great time with your child. I don’t want to be a therapist I want to be a mom.”

Jim’s relationship with Chris is equally as important but a bit different. Although he still carries the same positive and hopeful attitude, he finds the work more difficult. In the end he is able to look to Karen for guidance. “I find Chris’s negative behaviors to be more frustrating than Karen. Karen is the educator for me and I consider her the expert, and I learn from her. I ask her ‘Please tell me what I can do.’”

Jim is the one that takes Chris into the world with RDI and develops his skills outside of the play room. “With Chris we do a lot of things in the real world. For example, when we get out of the supermarket we non-verbally stop and we make sure we reference each other before going out to the car.” Recently, Karen and Jim saw RDI incorporated in real life, and all their hard work getting results. Jim is Chris’s assistant T-Ball Coach and so regularly gets to see Chris interact with his peers. Jim says that, “What you get to see now is his very strong desire to interact with his peers. In a structured environment with his peers he really can play with them. He does as well as any other five year old. He really watches his peers and alters his actions based on what everyone else is doing. One kid put his hat on backwards and he put his hat on backwards too. I saw him as really being aware of the perspective of the other kids. This is so different from how we had seen him in the past. They were really playing together.”

The same kind of scenario happens at home with Chris’s younger sister Katie. “Katie is incredibly demanding but Chris manages her so well. He will ask her ‘What do you want to play?’ I hear him negotiatiating, if you are going to do that first, than can I do that next? Chasing behind each other, and making sure she is following. Big brother and little sister stuff. Katie had a play date, and Chris came along and asked ‘Can you share your friend with me?’”

Karen adds, “Social Referencing has become automatic. Back and forth gaze shifting is now commonplace. Most of the activities we have done have been variations on the book (RDI activity manual Volume I). ‘Farm to Market’ has been really fun. He likes setting it up. He is really fun to play with, because he always has something humorous, but in context to add like, ‘I can’t accept the watermelons because they have bites in them.’

Chris has progressed to Level II, but he still really enjoys activities from level I.” Level I activities have become for Chris a way of re-organizing and regaining his sense of competence during periods when he is anxious or stressed. Currently Karen and Chris are busy moving into Level II activities. Every day has brought on more developments. Jim and Karen attribute most of them to RDI. “Even small things, that other people take for granted are miracles for him. I am so proud of Chris.” Together, Chris, Karen and Jim are finding that hard work is bringing dramatic change into their lives.

Neely

Frankcarlo