Chris

Nicholas

Families in the Spotlight (Frankcarlo)

Frankcarlo’s name has many versions, Carlo, Charles, and Carl. Stemming directly from Arabella’s side of the family it is ultimately Italian, although many people think it is Spanish. He is named for the wonderful heritage that Arabella brings to their family, and correspondingly for his father Frank. With such a strong sense of family to draw from, even in a name, it is obvious that both parents’ sense of heritage have had an influence on their beautiful son Frankcarlo, and that hopefully he will treat life with the same sense of wisdom and humor that his parents do. Throughout our interview, conversation was dotted with laughter and good-natured jokes about themselves, two things that have helped Arabella and Frank deal with the diagnoses of their first-born son and their life with him.

Frankcarlo was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, right after he turned six, in January, 2001. According to parents, he was as old as six when diagnosed because Arabella and Frank did not want to hear what they knew was a fact. As early as pre-school we noticed a difference, Arabella explained “but we were in denial. When Frankcarlo first went to preschool, he would cry when they shut the bathroom door or when they did anything different or new.” Teachers noticed the differences and brought Frankcarlo’s problems to the attention of his parents. “When they would tell us what they suspected, we would change schools.”

Arabella explained how they knew their son was different. “Frankcarlo wasn’t like his peers. He didn’t talk to you. Or if he did talk, he wouldn’t respond to you directly. He wouldn’t play with other children if they did not allow him complete control. In retrospect he wouldn’t walk down the street with you. He would just take off. He wouldn’t follow you. Frankcarlo could also repeat a whole book to you and since he was talking, he seemed really smart.”

In January of 2001, after hearing Dr. Gutstein speak in Sacramento, Frank and Arabella decided to use RDI with Frankcarlo. They went all the way to Houston from their farm in rural California because they were committed to getting direction and following through. They were ready to deal with the problems in front of them. “We wanted to be diagnosed and have something to work with. That is what attracted us to Connections Center. It gave us the tools to understand his deficiency and work with it. We think RDI is the best tool to do that.”

Arabella remembers that beginning RDI was not always easy, “When Frankcarlo started RDI, he was so distractible we had to do it in a clean room with nothing in it. But within six months, when he began to improve you could do RDI in the kitchen without him being distracted."

Arabella describes how Frankcarlo changed after starting RDI, “The most noticeable change was the amount of social referencing and the emotional attunement where he would look at your face and enjoy something with you. He was so scattered before.”

Currently Frankcarlo is working goals in Level III and IV. Both Frankcarlo and Arabella find that the more advanced the activity the more applicable it is to every day life. “As the activities get more advanced, so do the regular activities that we do with him outside of therapy.”

As he progresses in his school Arabella and Frank have become more aware that Frankcarlo’s ADD is causing him the most difficulties in the classroom. “He has ADD and Aspergers. The ADD right now is a bigger problem in the classroom. He doesn’t focus he gets distracted.” With that said, Frankcarlo is becoming more emotionally connected with his classmates. “He is better at expressing himself with his peers. He is really sympathetic. For example, a little girl in his karate class got hurt and he was very concerned about her.” Arabella used the following yardstick to evaluate Frankcarlo’s progress in school. “In Kindergarten he wouldn’t play with anyone. In 1st Grade he didn’t talk to people. By the 2nd grade he had two friends. This past year classmates invited Frankcarlo to their homes and Frankcarlo went over and had a good time. Things are definitely improving and developing.”

Frankcarlo’s parents are concerned that in several years Frankcarlo might become ostracized if his relationship skills do not continue improving. Frank expressed this concern when he told me, “A little conversation and then playing alone with toys aren’t going to constitute a friendship later in life. It is kind of a race against time, because by fourth or fifth grade their relationships are different. He has the desire for relationships, and we are trying to get the tools for him to have the relationships. He considers children his friends. Before he might not have recognized what a friend was and now he is learning that you have to have common interests. It is not just someone that you run into every once and awhile.”

Although progress with Frankcarlo can be slow at times, there are noticeable differences even within the relatively small two-and-a-half year time frame that Arabella and Frank have been working with their son. Arabella remembers what it was like before RDI, “One time I remember when he was in Kindergarten, we had a neighbor over with her child and he cried the whole time. He didn’t want them there invading his space. He didn’t understand why the other boy was there. Now he will welcome a new child and show them his room and be curious about what they have to say.

In 2002 Henry, Frank and Arabella’s second son was born. “A year and a half ago, before we had the baby we got a puppy, Frankcarlo couldn’t engage him at all. By the time Henry came along he was better.” Arabella and Frank now consider Henry a young friend to teach and play with. Frankcarlo is very proud of being a big brother.

Arabella described how they have used RDI to incorporate Henry into their family. “With our second child Henry, we do a lot of the same games that we use with Frankcarlo. We do Level I activities with Henry. Henry really took to the referencing, and enjoyed doing it with his brother.” In fact, Arabella and Frank have found that the relationship skills that they have taught their first son have become important tools for their second son, although he doesn’t have any problems. Frankcarlo is even able to help with his little brother, teaching him everyday social skills.”

Arabella and Frank give credit to each other for Frankcarlo’s success. Frank says, “We pretty much do it together. Arabella is more of a leader. She took off with it and ran. I followed as well as I could. It was her drive to get it implemented. It is very important that it is something that he does with mom, it is something that he does with his family.”

Arabella in turn gives the credit back to Frank “It was kind of Frank’s idea to do it. Frank and I are both kind of logical and RDI just seemed to make sense. It had reasoning behind what you are doing. And now that we have had a second child we can really see it the steps that they have to go through. You have to build that enjoyment so that they want to do it, instead of you will do this and you will do that. That is all important and really critical.”

Both parents agree that RDI is a tool that can be incorporated in every aspect of life. “It teaches the foundations for relationships and is useful for everyone.” Arabella left me with these words, “RDI is based on relationships. It also addresses many other things. Even in schoolwork it affects thinking about how other people are thinking, reading and comprehension. It is a basic function of life. We love that things have come together for us through RDI.”

Chris

Nicholas