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Stories of Children, ages 5-12This is what I wanted to sing from the roof tops when we became an RDI family. You see, previous to discovering RDI we were an ABA/VB family. We employed up to 6 therapists and consultants at one time. I ran the program, but handed the direct 1:1 therapy with my son over to the therapists. I couldn't drill him because I just wanted to be MOM. So I took what I could get between the multitude of hours of therapy, sitting on the sidelines day after day, answering the door 2 to 3 times per day to let in a therapist so they could go downstairs and work/play with my precious boy. Alas, I thought this was our only hope to help him. I missed him so much. Completely dependent on the therapist to "cure" my son, I'd pray "Please God, see them home safe so they can come back tomorrow and help my boy." While my son had almost completed the ABLLS he had not yet developed the intrinsic ability to carry on a spontaneous reciprocal conversation or motivation to play with other children. He had many many skills but he was no less autistic. He often zoned out or was not aware or "with us." So, I decided I'd better take a closer look at this new therapy I'd heard about…the RDI® Program. Initially, we fumbled our way through attempting to implement an RDI® Program in between ABA drills. (Ugh! What a flop!) Somehow, I knew there must be more to RDI and that we just weren't doing it right. So we packed our bags and traveled across country to receive our first RDA [Relationship Development Assessment]. That's when everything changed. Remember, how I'd pray at the doorway for our therapist safe return? WELL… upon our return I had a new outlook and it was "don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Finally, I was empowered! I knew that we could make the BIGGEST difference in our son's life. Yes, VB gave my son many skills, but RDI provided us with the tools to help him develop motivations to master new challenges and independently engage in this world without 1:1 support. My son, now 7, functions independently in a small private school; he plays with other kids in the neighborhood and at church. He is able to do these things unprompted and unscripted. He's developed a wonderful sense of humor, learned how to lie (only a parent of a child on the autism spectrum could be proud of that one) and an amazing ability to care for others. One day a close family friend took my son to the local outdoor farmer's market where you can see horses, cows, and all kinds of vendors selling foods and crafts. I had given my son ten dollars in case he wanted to buy something to eat. While there, he stopped to look at some jewelry on display and decided to buy me a ring. Once he picked out the perfect ring, he insisted that they leave the market right away, eager with anticipation to present the gift to me. When he gave me the ring the look on his face was priceless. He was so proud and happy because he was making me happy. That's it – that was the only reward for him… making me happy! We stared at each other for a long while, drinking in the moment. And of course, I needed to get a tissue. I still wear that ring to this day. PS. The vendor, so touched and impressed by his generous nature, she practically gave the ring away to him. I cannot put a price tag on what the RDI® Program has done for our family, but if I had to, it would be one tenth as much as we invested in ABA programs with 100 times the return. Thank you Dr. Sheely and Dr. Gutstein from the bottom of my heart!! Many thanks to Lisa P., Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, for her story. My son has had a shining moment! We found the RDI® Program about a year ago and the transformation has been well worth the hard work. We were attending our homeschool co-op group and it was the beginning of the morning when all the children and parents gather in the main sanctuary at the church for morning announcements, the pledge of allegiance, etc. The person who leads this portion of the morning asks for volunteers to hold the flags during the pledge. On this particular day she asked for two 6-year-old boys. My son looked right at me and smiled with a surprised expression on his face. Quickly another little boy raised his hand and went up on stage. Before I could turn around and look at my son, the woman was pointing toward us to come up. I look over and there is Tyler, his hand up high eager to participate! He proceeded to march right up on stage and take hold of the flag. Waving it high in the air, he searched me out among the nearly 85 people in the pews. I smiled through my tears...we connected AGAIN! When he finished and came running back to me I told him he did a great job and he confessed, "I was a little shy up there, Mommy." WOW! This is a child who a year ago was so anxious and had such separation anxiety he would try and hide underneath my clothes especially in crowds! We are so thankful for the RDI® Program...with the help of our dedicated and very flexible thinking consultant, we have worked hard to get Tyler to where he is. We truly believe the sky is the limit for our son now!! What a blessing it is to be sharing emotion and true dynamic experiences with our son! Many thanks to Christine M., Chambersburg, PA, for her story. Our consultant has been helping us sift through the new Stage objectives [in RDI® "5.0"] so that we can figure out where we're at. First, I have to say how massively impressed I am with these new objectives! I LOVE what I'm seeing, and SO wish I'd been able to start this way. The logical developmental fashion is which they are set up is just AWESOME. Not only are they extremely specific, but they are amazingly geared towards the development of dynamic thinking, which, although RDI® always purported itself as encouraging that, is the first time I've seen it laid out in such a logical, usable format. This is truly a dynamic processing model rather than just an Autism Remediation program. I'm going to get a lot of mileage out of these objectives with my younger son, who is most certainly not autistic, as well. Never has it been more true that RDI=homeschooling! I've been biting my nails worrying that we were done with RDI® stage work, that there was nothing left for RDI® to offer us. Because, although Jacob (age 6) has made amazing progress, and I truly don't think anyone is going to consider him autistic anymore, I can still see major gaps in his dynamic processing ability. It's as though he has the ability to think that way now, but still lacks the drive to take it out for a spin and use it. I felt there was a lot more work to be done, but was fretting that RDI® wouldn't be the best way to accomplish it. I fear that no longer! These new objectives are chock full specific ways to get that dynamic intelligence revved up and rolling. We started by looking at new Stages 1 and 2, which incorporates bits and pieces of things right up through the higher stages -- I recognized things that I worked on in the old stages 6 and 7 right off the bat, and saw things that, although Jacob has developed them on his own, I hadn't seen anywhere else in the stage work. I did, in fact, find an objective that I'm not sure Jacob has mastered in the new Stage 2. Not surprisingly, once we started looking at the new Stage 3, there were two objectives that built on that one that I also put question marks next to. This is where we're going to "begin" with our new RDI® work, on this apparent "hole". The objectives have to do with Perceptions and understanding that other people see/perceive things differently than you do. Now there's a structured way for us to work on giving him the opportunities to make this "discovery." I'm one happy camper! By the time we got to looking at the new Stage 4, I knew that we didn't need to go any further. I've got question marks next to about a dozen objectives and "needs practice" next to at least a dozen more, in addition to the couple of dozen I have checked off as mastered. So that's where we're at! Stage 4 reflects the abilities of a neurotypical 2-3 year old, so we're still a bit behind where I'd like to be, but all of the stuff we're "missing" are things that just weren't addressed by the "old" RDI® system, at least not during the first dozen or so stages. The things that were addressed are the items I've checked off. And the "needs practice" items are things that were not addressed, but that he just happened to develop naturally. I'm SOOO excited that this new version has come out just in time for us, and I'm thrilled to have a definite direction to be working in! I have more confidence than ever that RDI® is going to help us unlock all of Jacob's potential and open a world of opportunity for him. The sky's the limit! Many thanks to Shelley W., CT, for her story.
"RDI is giving our family a chance to experience the little gifts of 'typical' life." Some Notes on the Journey from Stage 1 to 4: From a Mom's Journal: "It is because of my son I tell people RDI® is for every kid on the spectrum, even the most severely autistic."
"Thank you for giving me hope that my daughter will some day lead a full life of friendship and fun–for it has already begun!!" It's no big deal - we all make mistakes! I am beginning to believe that there is nothing my child can't do if he sets his mind to it. He's going to make it!! This was written by one of my families who has given permission for it to be shared. This is what makes it all worthwhile: To see Blake accepted by so many kids just melted my heart. The only small hurdle was his speed opening every gift. He was very slow. (I think a part of who Blake is.) He read EVERY word of every card. He wasn't very loud thanking individuals, but he did thank them all. At the end I asked him if he'd like to thank everyone now, and he said he was too embarrassed. When I thanked his friends for him, he then announced that he had something to say. I was shocked! He let the crowd know that he was going to keep every card and read them over and over this summer. The kids had a great time, Blake had a great time. It was an amazing night! To see Blake accepted by so many kids just melted my heart. Blake counted how many people were there and when we said our goodnights, he said with a smile on his face that he knows he has 25 friends. Oh, I could not ask the universe for anything more. I'm copying this for myself to put in my "positive" file. I know that hurdles will present themselves along the journey, but this night is a reminder of what is possible. Thanks to RDI®, he trusts me to take care of him, even when it's intimidating and scary. From this, he started becoming more forward thinking...I found him making his lunch the other day for school without being told. (Update: Year 2) (see: Part 1. below: "I started the RDI® Program with my son at age 11.") One of the things I noted in year two [of RDI®,] is that he just continues to become more dynamic. And the more dynamic he is, the more he reveals his static systems (which were not so observable in the past). All very interesting. Of course, I didn't even recognize all of this minus RDI®. I remember the first time I looked out and he was climbing his monkey bars in all kinds of different patterns, challenging himself more and more. The "same ole" wouldn't do any more. He started challenging himself physically, climbing harder and harder ways. This year, I saw it with swimming. He started jumping in the pool backwards, running as fast as he could and jumping in, coming up with different ways to jump in (I remember watching a boy do this at a pool and wishing my sweetie would) jumping off from this big fountain near our pool. The "old" just jumping in wouldn't do any more. The thing is, none of this was taught (we didn't practice jumping in the pool different ways.) ... I observed it as a by-product of more framed things we were doing. One of the most memorable things we did this last year was with condiments. He loves mustard, ketchup, salt, frosting...we went in the pantry and put mustard on everything...on pop tarts, chips, beef jerky...you name it we put mustard on it. We took nacho chips and dipped all kinds of things in this. Another time, we put cookie frosting on all kinds of edibles. When things were yucky...this provided great opportunity for experience-sharing language practice: "oh, that is gross" or 'humm, mustard on pickles tastes pretty good". He loved this. I should mention my son from very little, struggled with eating. Through lots of focus, we have over the years improved this gradually but this step really made a difference and we saw an increase in the variation of what he would eat. There have been many great moments But one of the objectives I started a few months ago was to allow him to regulate himself...to stop reminding him to get his shoes on before we go, that it was time to get dressed, to get his backpack before school. I was in constant habit that I did not let him take responsibility for himself. I knew this was a big objective (for any parent/ child) so I had to take it small at first (just the shoes before going somewhere) and get bigger. I set it up so his shoes would be in his line of vision before he'd leave but I wouldn't say anything, I'd go on to the car. If he arrived without them, I'd look thoughtfully at his feet, then say "forget something?" But this really didn't happen much. I'd been selling him short. Just a few times of forgetting and he was remembering. But it didn't stop there. One morning, I decided to not go up and tell him to get dressed. I waited. He came downstairs and asked to get dressed. I acted casual and said"oh, yea." From then on he just got up and dressed on his own. From this, he started becoming more forward thinking...I found him making his lunch the other day for school without being told. I see this forward thinking that is developing in him only leading to more exciting things for him. My advice to mom's and dad's: Write everything down. I journal as often as possible about my son. The sweet moments that mean so much and which preview who your child is/will be are so precious to you. I started the RDI® Program with my son at age 11. (Part 1) While never minding variation and change, he also rarely thought of change or variation on his own. His thinking was routine. He relied on his procedural memory, which is only of average strength, and so, his social thinking remained stagnant. In the first year of doing RDI®, his thoughts became much more dynamic: - He has never come to see us when he could not sleep. One day, he started getting out of bed and finding us. - He never went through that developmental social stage where he would come "touch base" with me. Recently at a family dinner party where he sat with the cousins, he came to see me five or six times just because he wanted to touch base. And he chose me, his mom, over everyone else at the table. He did the same at a restaurant when he had to sit at a different table from me. - He never socially engaged smiles with strangers. On an airplane recently, he reached out, took a flight attendant's hand as she walked by and smiled at her. - While full of lots of rote language, he never spontaneously commented. Now he is commenting and saying phrases about what he is thinking about. - His sleep is improving. Instead of waking up and being awake, he is turning over and going back to sleep. I find him clutching a pillow, as if he has finally grasped the idea of a sleep object. These and other developments are important milestones because they are not "taught." They are indications that his "thinking" has changed. Many thanks to Katherine L., Dallas, Texas We had quite the conversation and perspective-sharing going on! We took my neurotypical son to his karate class yesterday, and I stood outside talking with another mom while James (my 7 year old ASD son) stimmed on a particular song on CD in the truck. (Yes, we're not perfect! Stimming does happen!) Anyway, James was being "very autistic" insisting that the windows stay up despite the heat, that the car engine be off so no air conditioning, and that the song start over and over and over again, and at a very LOUD (to me) volume. Now, if he wants to sweat in the heat, that's his choice, but I figured no one else around kept wanting to hear "Santa Claus is coming in a boogie woogie choo choo train!" starting over and over and over again, so every time he'd creep the volume knob up, I'd look at him through the window, tap on it if necessary to catch his attention, and point "down!" with my finger. (Often he'd already be watching me for my reaction, the little imp!) Then he'd smirk at me, and then turn it down, usually. Occasionally he'd look at me and shake his head no at me, sometimes with a grin, sometimes with a serious request look. I'd repeat my nonverbal communication with an "I'm serious, young man!" look, and then he'd turn it down. But my favorite time was towards the end when he looked back up at me, grinned his cutest grin, and pointed his finger "up!" while nodding his head "yes" at me. That just cracked me up! We had quite the conversation and perspective-sharing going on! Anyway, I laughed at him, then looked back at him, shaking my head "no way, mister--down!" and very deliberately pointed that finger of mine down again to reiterate that he WAS going to turn the volume back down or I was coming in the truck to turn it down for him. Then he cracked up laughing at me, and reached over and turned the volume back down again, with a very satisfied look on his face at having messed with mom. My friend, who also has a special needs child but not autistic, was just delighted watching James and me "dance." Anyway, I just wanted to share that as an example/encouragement of just how much sharing can be done even with a kid who has few or no words yet. In this case, James has quite a few words, but they were not available for either of us to use through closed windows and over blasting radios! It was 100% nonverbal, and acually a rather complex conversation, given all the shades and variations to the main structure of the conversation. And it was just really funny, especially if you knew where we were a year or so ago! RDI is good stuff! Many thanks to Pam H., FL for her story. Sarcasm as "Opposite World" This is a story about my "almost normal" twin, William. Both my nine-year-olds are on the spectrum and doing the RDI® Program. William was working at Level II, Apprentice - and we had been playing "Opposite World" games a lot, with much hilarity all around. William can read and intellectually comprehend with his peers, but he is often clueless about the social situations being described in books. William chose "Return of the Jedi" at the book fair, but was very confused by the word "sarcastically." Luke Skywalker is always saying something "sarcastically." My lengthy explanation just left William with a blank face. Later that evening at our local fast food restaurant, William was cramming French fries in his mouth with great relish. The manager said, sarcastically, "You don't like those French fries, do you?" A look of bewilderment came over William's face. French fries are his favorite food. I explained, "He's being sarcastic, just like Luke in the book." Continued bewilderment. Then I had an epiphany and said, "Its grown-up Opposite World, with words." A look of complete understanding came over William's face. He got the joke. HE GOT THE JOKE! He started laughing along with the rest of us - and sarcasm has been funny ever since. Thankfully, he's not dishing too much out on us - YET. His 12 year-old sister does enough of that for the whole family. Many thanks to Karla N., mom of William and David, Fort Mill SC for her story. We've come a long way, baby.... Something happened yesterday morning that I just HAD to share. We have friends who spend the night on Friday night (unexpectedly, as they had car trouble).This includes a 3 yr old boy ("Richard") that my kids play with regularly and his 1 yr old brother ("Jonathan"). Yesterday morning, little baby Jonathan was playing with a plastic spoon from our play kitchen, and his brother, Richard, took it from him suddenly and Jonathan started to cry.Our son Jacob (now age 5 and in Stage 4 of the RDI Program) jumped to his feet and said "hey, give that spoon back to Jonathan, he was playing with it!", but Richard just took it and ran away giggling.Jacob thought for a moment with a scowl on his face and then brightened up and said "I know!I'll go find Jonathan another spoon!" and dashed off to the other room to dig thru the play kitchen, returning with a spoon for little Jonathan. By the time he got back, Richard had already returned the spoon to Jonathan, and that stopped Jacob in his tracks for a moment. But then he handed the spoon to Jonathan anyway and said "that's ok, now you can have TWO spoons!" Whoa!!A year ago, when little Jonathan was a new baby, Jacob wouldn't even come into the house if he was there.Caring for others, problem solving, handling a change in criteria......is there anything my kid is not capable of?!?!?!?! Many thanks to Shelley W., CT, for her story. "Sharing a Secret Wish" We were on vacation last week and Patrick (age 10) returned to school today. Tonight he asked me if you could tell others about a wish once it comes true. I said "sure." He then asked me if I remembered when I gave the kids each a penny to make a wish and throw into a fountain at the aquarium. I nodded, and he continued that at first he wanted to wish that his radio show would come back on (at home he liked to listen to an evening radio program that had recently stopped without explanation) but that he changed his mind and wished that his teacher would win "Teacher of the Year." (Apparently she had been nominated.) Well his expression turned to one that was happy, shy and proud all wrapped into one as he announced that he found out today that she did win Teacher of the Year for his school! I thought it was neat that instead of wishing for something to benefit himself that he "used his wish" for his teacher; and that he was able to relay it to me, or I would never have known, never even have wondered what his wish had been. Kim D., Brookfield, CT "A lost relationship that is now found" "I work with a lovely 8 1/2 year old boy who prior to starting RDI 12 months ago was totally prompt dependent, did not do any emotion sharing and had totally flat effect. He did not seek out his parents for anything except food and his parents avoided interacting with him. 12 months on: Mum has also found her child to be engaging and pleasurable to be with. She talks about a 'lost relationship that is now found'. When she describes this it brings tears to your eyes. They now have a lovely master apprentice relationship in play, cooking, cleaning, washing etc RDI has introduced a life for this family that they never thought they could have." Libby Scherrer, RDI® Program Certified Consultant "RDI is bringing us closer" "It's amazing the little improvements we are seeing in Patrick (age 10) already after our first month (Certified Consultant-supported). We came through the school holidays virtually incident free–he coped with a short holiday away for the first time in 18 months. RDI has started to give us our FAMILY life back and it feels so good. We have started to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER; we attempt to start out with the best intentions and just go with the flow. Already we are starting to see Patrick wanting to be a willing participant in the RDI activities, his face actually lit up this morning when I said 'lets do the drying together!' I must say I find it easier to do the lifestyle, as there's not that need to always video, it's more relaxed, and I pick up where I go wrong easier. Patrick is definitely a tricky little customer but we are working it out, it's not easy, it requires strength and determination on a new level but when you see these little lights emerging it spurs you on. Patrick is starting to initiate contact with people; people have commented that they are already seeing little improvements. He will appropriately interrupt a conversation on topic. He is interacting with strangers (i.e. the people behind the checkouts and over the counter when out shopping) just like a normal 3 1/2 year old would do, He will say 'this is my milk', looking at the person while placing the item on the counter. Most of all Patrick and I are becoming closer, we are having genuine time out cuddles and talks. I feel that we are at the beginning of building on our relationship together, it's bringing us closer. It's not just what you're doing together, it's also something that you're feeling together. I took this for granted with my first child as it just 'naturally' went hand in hand." Learne B., Never give up...never, never, never! "I have been doing the RDI Program with my son, MJ age 8, for about 6 months. At first, I kept torturing myself because he was 8 when we started RDI. I felt like I had let time get away from me, and that the prospects for success wouldn't be as good as if we had early intervention. But now, we have everything going and Stage 1 stuff is pretty solid. With RDI, I have seen amazing things from MJ. Two of these, I'd like to share with you. "Yes, MJ." "Talk to you," replied MJ. "Oh really?" "I am sick and tired of green beans!" declared MJ. There are a couple of corners that are recessed where you enter and if you step close into the corner you see 3 images of yourself. For years now, MJ has loved that corner and been perfectly content to play by himself as long as we would let him, but this time was different. "You can't be taught to memorize that kind of thought process." "Every single day is another 'eye opener' as we try to wrap our arms around the Relationship Development Intervention Program. While we think it is the greatest thing since sliced bread, our struggle is daily; we are, as our Consultant so eloquently put it, 'in the trenches.' I (mother to Nathan age 7, diagnosed with ASD age 3) am the 'Active Coach' and, actually doing the work which is as Dr. Gutstein says, 'the hardest thing you'll probably ever do in your life'. But. . .it is so crucial, and more than just the cliché 'rewarding;' I believe it is our duty as parents to remediate (that is help to teach the skills that our kids do not come by naturally, as I understand it). Declarative language, mental engagement, RDR, emotion sharing and the like become easier and easier to talk about; but the work, oh my, I take deep breaths every morning as I try to stay one step ahead, not become procedural, stay truly declarative, become a thinker myself in order to allow my son to think for himself, wait it out while he thinks, and turn and walk away when frustrated so as not to become a dictator. I remember when our Provider used the word 'dictator' in a super politically correct manner; I realized that I was just bossing, prompting and enabling our son incessantly. I truly believe a key to the success of this program for the child, is to first take a lot of steps back and realize that the 'parent obstacles' are often greater than the child's. I work more daily to overcome these obstacles (at this point) than I do on activities. That will be changing inversely very shortly. Our son started out with pretty decent articulation, could say the A,B,C's, 1,2,3's and the famous one; 'JUICE'. Boy, I'll never forget telling everyone that Nathan was 'high functioning' because he could ask for JUICE; thank goodness I can laugh at myself now for that. We have been following the RDI Protocol 'officially' since December of 2004 once we secured a Certified Consultant. As mentioned previously, we are moving slowly in many ways; but the little changes are so miraculous in comparison to all of the blah, blah, blah he was so meticulously trained to do with his VB Program. Here is just one, and as much as I know that the years of research are right there behind everything that Dr. Gutstein is saying, it still shocks me when it works. O.K, today Nathan's Home School person (previously in capacity of VB Therapist that came to a screeching halt once we realized what the heck was going on in the real world) came in and entered Nathan's bedroom and just stood and stared at him (we are working on her too); my son (Nathan) looked up and said, 'oh, did you get your hair cut?' and she said, 'no, I just did it differently because of the rain, do you like it?' Nathan looks at her with lips pursed, head moving up and down (yes nod) and eyes wide and says, 'um hmmmmmm'! NOW C/MON, that is GREAT! This kid actually noticed that someone's hair was different than the day before and wanted to make her feel good about it when she asked him if he liked it. Now, of course I wish she would have been more declarative about it and that's another chapter, but this is 100% a direct result of us allowing Nathan to think for himself, give him the 45 second deal to process things, the emotion sharing that comes with competence that is a result of the M-A [Master Apprentice] (see, I told you I could talk about it:-)) and so on. Now, I mentioned that Nathan could chatter on after 3.5 years of VB; but in no way could keep a rolling conversation going or complete a thought or even draw from his own thoughts; he would call upon his bank of 'taught' language because he has a strong memory; but with no interest what-so-ever in the other person and no mental engagement. No sooner than we stopped the VB life and started treating Nathan like a typical person, did he start coming out with sentences that were definitely never taught. I remember the other day him asking to use the Game Cube (we're working on decreasing the techno toys dramatically); I told him that we weren't going to use it right now but that we could ________. He reminded me of this, 'but mom, remember when Grandpa was here yesterday and dad said he was talking and that he would play with me when I wake up in the morning?' I just looked at him with my bottom lip hanging; I mean, this takes thinking for yourself, you can't be taught to memorize that kind of thought process. Our VB program tried for a very long time to teach our family how to get Nathan to stop just randomly running off with out regard for his safety or being with us; to no avail. Shortly after we started working with our RDI Provider, she recommended a technique which included allowing time for our son to realize that we were no longer behind him (sometimes this took up to 8 minutes of perching behind a retail rack), then us loudly saying, 'where are you Nathan, I can not see you, are you lost?' He would then orient towards the voice and panic a little (he understood what lost meant). She told us to then lock eyes with him and have him come to us (wave him on if necessary) and then VERY HAPPILY to CELEBRATE the moment; to share the joy of locking eyes and hugging and saying, 'oh, I'm so glad we found each other, this is so great!' What a HUGE contrast to our VB program; I won't even go there. Now, Nathan staying with us has morphed on to be much easier because he often has interest in being with us for the emotion sharing part and feels security and happiness when we're together; and he himself yells out in retail places for us and he is the one who initiates coming back. RDI has taught us to help Nathan become a contributing member of the family; someone we turn to for help just like everyone else in the household. A lot of the successes can be counted on 2 hands in an entire week, but it is increasing and we know that it works. Another crucial piece of the puzzle is to be living in as minimal chaos as possible; we are slowly working on that. If you follow the pattern mentioned at the very top of this short essay, you are no doubt living in a whirlwind of stress surrounded by your chasing and following your child around instead of him/her following you. As well, you probably don't feel very good about living with a person who gives you little if any feedback; I for one need a lot of feedback in general. You know (especially if you're a female) that we crave just being with our friends; if for no other reason than just to hang out. It is so very disheartening when your own child has no interest in you and you're exhausted from that doom and gloom of an 'Autistic' lifestyle. I am determined to dig our family out of that and to simultaneously work on what some of us have named Stage '0'; although there may actually be an official Stage '0' now; M/A, the 'R' in RDR and building competence. I find that the emotion sharing function gets built right in to those 3 components. We have so very far to go, but I keep quoting Dr Gutstein; 'think of it as a marathon, NOT a race'. Sounds cliché, but we parents of children with Autism are used to cliché quotes and there's a lot of comfort in good sound philosophy. I want to leave you with how I try to summarize to my family and friends when they ask things like, 'why isn't Nathan in school', 'why isn't he with other kids often', etc. Look at your life like a pie (and I actually draw a circle for people sometimes) and look at this little sliver here; that is about 30% of the pie and the part of you that is ruled by 'static' systems; you stand in line at the water fountain and drink when it is your turn. You certainly need this to function in our Society. But look, look here, (and I'm VERY passionate when I'm referring to this); this is the other 70% of you; the 'dynamic part'. Now close your eyes and think of you and your significant other attending a formal function. You enter the room and within about 45 seconds you scan the room to see if you are overdressed or under dressed, you look for the Host, you immediately know if you should shake hands with that person, hug or even if a kiss is in order, you know whether to stay by your partner's side, or to split up, you see where the cocktails are being served, you see if anyone you know is making eye contact with you, you notice if you've arrived too early or late, you get a feeling for the mood, you pick up on the style of music and maybe remember your growing up in the 70's or 80's. THAT, all of that sophisticated processing is what our kids do not have the natural ability or thousands of hours of practice doing. Those sophisticated interpersonal relationship skills are what many typical kids develop by the time they are 48 months of age; believe it or not. And THAT is what we all take for granted; but these poor children could not possibly be taught to do these things in a cluster classroom, typical public school classroom (even with an Aide) or through osmosis by hanging out with typical kids. On the contrary, it must be so very stressful to be socially inept and be with people who have that other 70%. Imagine, no matter how good you are at the 30% of the pie; you will fail without the other 70. We were forever being told that our son was 'high functioning' because he was so successful at the 30% of the pie; he could follow directions, answer fill-ins, do TFFC's, sit at a little table with 2 chairs (that was after about a year of pairing with Cheetos), and then eventually talk and talk. BUT, he could NOT maintain one, not even one relationship. So maybe somewhere out there in the Universe there is a place where static systems and incessant talking are great, but high functioning with out even having one friend; NOT ON THIS PLANET, and this is where our son lives. So that is why we decided to come down to Earth and join the human race and start giving our child the functions that he cannot learn on his own. I applaud you if you are reading this and trying to help your child be happy and for doing the work. That's the thing about this intervention; you have to do the work yourself. There is no magician that holds the key and has to come in to your home and do these weird magic acts. If you haven't been to a parent training, sign up now; sell your jewelry, borrow the money or write a letter to your closest family and friends and ask for donations. Just get there and we'll meet you at the top! "Mom, what does it mean... ?" "In the early stages of RDI, as we were amplifying non-verbal gestures, Tim looked at me, put his finger under his chin and lifted his head up and down, and asked, 'Mom, what does it mean when you're doing this?' It was a shocking revelation to everyone in the room, that Tim, 8 years old at the time, had enough language to ask the question, but did not understand a head nod. That moment reaffirmed for all of us the importance of RDI. Four months later, we were at the pool. Tim is a good swimmer and loved jumping off the diving board, but always needed me to provide a verbal prompt for when it was safe to do so. On this day, Tim stood in line for the diving board, proceeded to the board and at the same time as I began to get up of my chair to give him the cue, to my amazement and delight, Tim looked to the lifeguard, got the ‘nod’ and jumped in. There had been no direct teaching, prompts, or lectures about how to use a lifeguard, just a boy who had figured out a very important piece of information and used it!" Carol F., "I couldn't stop watching him!" "Our school went to see some fantastic acrobatics at our local theatre: we were treated to acrobats doing leaps through burning hoops, a rider riding a bicycle with 8 people, towers of people on top of shoulders, etc. Yet what was the one thing that fully intrigued the 9-year-old child with autism that I support? This highly verbal boy, who's been doing RDI® for 10 months, was awe-struck and fully attentive to the characters doing the miming! It was like watching him seeing non-verbal communication as language all on it’s own– truly a heart-warming moment I could only appreciate with the knowledge gained through RDI®. What was so neat for me was that he didn't show a great deal of "awe" about the talent he was seeing, but sat and watched the miming, almost mesmerized by the characters. This was the simplest act, but he understood it. I couldn't stop watching him!" Sharlene W. "I thought James would never have friends." Just a few weeks ago an incident happened at school–a middle school student threw a glass vial against the wall and said it contained poison. All the children were escorted outside. That night, we asked James (age 8, with Asperger's) what he did when it first happened. He put both his hands together in the prayer position and said, 'I prayed for Taylor's safety.' (Taylor is his girlfriend who he says is just his friend because he is too young to have a girlfriend!) This is just one of the many positive experiences we have had since we started the RDI® Program about a year and a half ago. I prayed many times for something that would help James make the social connection. Praise God for RDI and all the people that have made it happen. I tell people it is a miracle therapy." Krissy M., "The single greatest thing about RDI..." Our son Patrick (age 10) has been doing the RDI Program for 2-1/2 years now. We are now working on Stage 9, Co-Creation. As a father with a son on the spectrum, I really believe that RDI has been instrumental in improving my relationship with him. I have gained a better understanding and acceptance of his limitations and the rate at which he makes progress. Understanding how he learns best, the obstacles that kids with ASD face and the knowledge that there are things I can do to help him, can be very empowering to a parent, especially a father. For example, knowing how to spotlight information or emotions to draw his attention and increase his interest in whatever we are doing has enabled us to increase the time we spend doing things together. This in turn has helped to broaden his interest in what I call ‘guy’ stuff, like using our leaf blower, working together with tools fixing things, and being a part of Cub Scouts. Sometimes the progress he has made with RDI takes me by surprise. It is great to see when he interacts with a peer and he uses a function or skill I didn't notice him using before, then realize it was an RDI function or skill we've been working on. You can't help but feel proud and see it as another example of how RDI is really making a difference in his life. The single greatest thing about RDI is learning how to best relate to your child. When you've mastered that, it’s a whole lot easier to sit back, relax, and just have fun with your kid." Maurice D. "Never too late to start." "So many parents ask me... "my child is 11, 12, 13, etc. Is it too late for RDI?" I started the RDI® Program with my own son at age 11. A sweet boy, he would be considered 'compliant,' such a dear. We were therefore surprised when we started RDI® and we heard from him. "I don't want that." "Go away." For years, I have been one of his ABA therapists, and believed we were working on a positive, fun relationship. We had an excellent rapport and he was an active part of our family. Yet the RDI® Program shined a light on the core deficit that continued to plague him, that nothing else could reveal–he had no idea how to have meaningful relationships, and I had no systematic way of teaching him how to have one. Katherine L.
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