Stories of Teens and Young Adults

"Now he's initiating activities. As old as he is, (age 22) in all the years, he's never done that before."

We've seen a lot of changes in the last 3 years. If you had told me before we started the RDIŽ Program, that Kyle would have grown like this, and be doing all the things we do together now and enjoying them, it would have been hard for me to imagine. I can only think that another 3 years down the road we'll be even farther along.

He has more affect. He's expressing more that he's enjoying things. He seems to be so much more aware and trying to communicate more, and all this is at a new level.

He's continuing to initiate so much more; I think we've just seen another big increase. He used to be a lot more content to sit a lot of the time; now he'll come take us to the room we do some RDI® in, as if to say, "aren't we going to DO anything?" And whereas before, he would take us in there, and he seemed to just want to be with us, now he's actually initiating activities for us to do together. As old as he is (age 22), in all these years, he's never done that before (other than to eat.) Now he's initiating those things he feels comfortable and competent in. We have this whole aromatherapy activity of smelling candles and he'll actually point to the candles. This is something he's NEVER done in his life.

The other thing he does is that he likes to flap paper. Recently, he came in when I was getting ready to do something and he handed the paper to me, as if to say, "I'm ready to do what you have to offer. I don't need this." Before, it would have been hard to get the paper from him. It's unbelievable.

Usually we do a lot of RDI® at the grocery store but yesterday I was in a hurry and we were just dashing in for something and I wasn't that focused. I was getting chicken and putting it in a bag and he just took it from me and put it in a cart. He's never done anything like that before. It was as if he was saying, "I'm your partner and I'll do this with you."

We ALL have more confidence!

It used to be I was always getting my husband to do the things I did with Kyle, but he's developed his own things to do. They have their own relationship, which is how it's supposed to be. I think my husband is having some really good experiences with him. One thing they do together is get the mail. They walk up the hill and carry the bag, and sometimes Kyle holds the bag or puts the mail in the bag. Because he likes to flap paper, it's really been a challenge for Kyle not to flap every piece of mail. But now he doesn't have to grab the mail all the time. He has more control of himself.

Kyle and I went to Costco recently and they do that checking the receipt thing at the door when we were leaving, and that would normally be really hard for Kyle because he would want to make a run for the car. But this time, I stopped and he stopped with me, and then we went. It just wasn't an issue; I didn't have to touch him or anything. It was so amazing! I can't imagine even 6 months ago that would have happened.

I think one result of RDI® is that Kyle has more confidence but it also gives ME more confidence. It's not so much work for me, not so much effort. I think it's had the same effect on my husband, that his confidence has gone up as well. Just over the weekend, we needed new tires and he actually took Kyle with him to get them and I was really surprised. So I think it's a little more fun for all of us and we feel more at ease taking Kyle out.

Many thanks to Gayle Nobel, Phoenix, AZ, co-author of "It's All About Attitude: Loving and Living Well with Autism."

RDI continues to be an incredible gift to our family.

Kyle is now 22, and RDI® continues to be an incredible gift to our family, since we started in October 2003.  

A few nights ago we were doing one of his favorite activities which is smelling things, mostly scented candles and oils, together. Though we have been doing it for 3 years, I had never done it nonverbally. Many times, after he smelled a candle I held to his nose, he immediately looked at me, then to the candle, then to me... repeated this over and over for some candles...there was a different quality to the interaction than ever before. I would try to express with my face what I thought of the smell without saying a word...the connection felt very powerful and different than we had in the past. Also, the gaze shift from my face to the candle was very fast... something I have never seen with Kyle before.

At a recent Dr. visit, we were waiting in the exam room for the Dr. and Kyle kept looking over at me, my face, as if to ask, "Is this going to be ok? I'm scared.. whatever." I was not even that close to him some of the time.. so there was a bit of distance between us, but I was able to reassure him. The funny thing was, at the time, I tried to think about whether this is something new ... I thought it was, but it felt so natural, as if he had always been doing it. I'm not quite sure how to describe that feeling.

And for Father's Day, we went out to dinner with  Kyle as well as our 2 daughters, something we have never been able to do in the past ... thanks to the RDI® process and of course, our Consultant, Kim Isaac! Kyle was a little scared to get in the long booth at first, so several times looked to my face for reassurance....a real miracle!

* Read more about Kyle, when he was 21.

Many thanks to Gayle Nobel, Phoenix, AZ, co-author of "It's All About Attitude: Loving and Living Well with Autism."

View a TV interview with Gayle.

"I am confident, now, that my son is going to have a VERY Satisfying Life!!!"

My son, now 14, was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in June 2002, at the end of Grade 5, at the age of 11. I had trained as an Educational Assistant with Special Needs Students, and was working as a Student Assistant with the Resource Department at a middle years school, at the time. I remember borrowing the resource teacher's file on Autism, and taking it home to go through it. About halfway through the file, I was so completely overwhelmed with the dismal future the literature projected for my son, I started to cry and put the file away, never to look at it, again, except to return it to its owner. It seemed like some sort of a cruel joke. Ryan was/is such a gifted young boy. He loves music and reading and the sciences. He tests as a genius in language, yet he couldn't meaningfully communicate. It was like he was 'in a bubble,' cut-off from the 'Buzz and Hum' of Life; Always on the 'outside,' looking in.

It was a Time of Testing; It was a Time of Transition.

Early in 2003, the psychologist that had worked with Ryan in diagnosing his Asperger's Syndrome fortuitously provided me with a registration form for Dr.Gutstein's 2 day Introductory Workshop to be held in Winnipeg, that spring. My mother and I both attended, and Dr. Gutstein had our complete and undivided attention as he took us through the theory behind his intervention program. My heart filled with hope --- Not your smoke and mirrors/snake oil hope --- But, hope based on sound academics. The pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place.

In 2004, I attended Dr. Gutstein's 4 day Parent Training Program and I worked the program alone to the best of my ability. I kept a journal of our progress, and 11 days after Ryan and I had begun working on social referencing, Ryan came home from school and told me that a boy at school had 'scowled' at him in the hall. I know it's unusual for a parent to be THRILLED given that scenario, but you have to keep in mind that the child providing me with this information had experienced 2 older boys trying to flush his head down the toilet at school --- And, Ryan had been unable to identify them!!! Thankfully, another student came forward on Ryan's behalf. I don't know about you, but I can't even begin to imagine ever 'forgetting' someone's face given that situation!!! After Ryan told me about the boy 'scowling' at him, I asked him what he did. He responded, "I went in the other direction." YES!!!! This was an ABSOLUTELY Profound Breakthrough!!! This was the beginning of not living in constant fear for my son's safety because he couldn't identify potentially dangerous situations!!!!

We also began to work using declarative language. We had to start small --- 2 minutes at a time --- using word maps to help him understand how the pieces of conversation fit together. And, 12 days later, we sat in the living room in our home, and for the 1st time in Ryan's life we actually enjoyed a legitimate conversation!!!

In May of 2005, we stalled out working the program. I couldn't go any farther with Ryan, without help. I was at home when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was the fellow that had arranged for Dr. Gutstein's visit to Winnipeg in 2003. By this time, this fellow was working as a consultant-in-training, and he wondered if Ryan and I would like to work with him for a couple of months. I was ASTOUNDED!!! In fact, I almost called him back to ask him if he had really called me and offered to help?!!

The piece that was missing was emotion-sharing. I had to find a way to bring laughter to our interactions . . . And, I finally found the 'hook' I needed. It was right under my nose ALL the Time!!! It's Ryan's 'Cheesy' Mom singing "Tip Toe Through the Tulips" with a wooden spoon for a microphone, or suddenly flipping the sheet we are folding over my son's head and pretending he's a 'ghost' complete with all the spooky chanting and feigned fear. It is VERY Difficult to share the sheer sense of TRUE Joy at being to play with my son when, as a child, he had never 'really played.' We will ALWAYS be Grateful for the time our 'consultant-in-training' spent with us.

The changes in my son's quality of life since implementing the RDI® Program have been nothing short of ABSOLUTELY Miraculous!!! His growth has been PHENOMENAL!!! I have a competent 14 year old son that is able to participate spontaneously in the Everchanging Dance we call, Life, complete with all Life's Messy-ness. Ryan has friends from school; He regularly hosts 'movie nights' in our home for kids he is in band with; And, he is looking forward to traveling with other students to another province, by bus, no less, this year, to participate in a music festival. How Richly We Have Been Blessed!!!

I will NEVER Be Able to Express the True Depth of My Gratitude to Dr. Gutstein for his program; to Dr. Sheeley for her time with our group during the parent training workshops; And, to the consultant (Yup! He's graduated, now.) that graciously donated his time, filling in the critical gap that was missing in our family's RDI Lifestyle.

"When we are about to tackle something
that we think will be tough, yet we know
will help us if we stick with it . . . The big
question is not, "Can we stick with it?"
The big question is, "Will we?"
-MountainWings

Thank you for allowing me to share,
Anna D, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.

"A Great Week for RDI Successes"

I have a 13 year old son with autism. His language is limited and usually consists of expressing needs only. We are working on emotion-sharing and have progressed nicely. He has rarely tried to "repair" an interaction that has broken down, let alone verbalize about it. The other evening we were enjoying a game of catch when I purposely didn't catch the ball. The ball quickly started rolling down the sidewalk. He looked at me, pointed and stated clearly 'Ball!' When I just shrugged my shoulders, he took off after the ball to retrieve it and returned to play some more. That was a first. As it turns out it was a great week for RDI successes. The next day his teacher e-mailed very excited. 'Nick initiated a conversation with me today!' She admitted it was short but it was all his idea. Thanks to RDI.

Becky L., Columbia, MO,

"The RDI Program description seemed to directly address my deepest anxiety about Erik's future."

I discovered RDI a little more than a year ago, just as my son Erik (age 19) was successfully completing his academic program at a special education day school. He had done quite well in school, but lacked what I would call "motivation for life." My sense was that no amount of medication for co-occurring disorders, vocational rehabilitation, occupational therapy, or further schooling would provide him with the vital spark so critical to really living a full life.

The RDI Program description seemed to directly address my deepest anxiety about Erik's future. As I read all of the materials and reviewed the video tape, I became convinced that we had to try the program. My partner and I went to the 4 Day Parent Seminar last fall. It was a sobering moment when we realized that we would start at Level 1, Stage 1 with a 19 year old, just like the parents of the pre-school age children. But Dr. Sheely absolutely reassured us that we could do the RDI Program with a young adult.

We have been doing the program intensely since December, 2004, greatly assisted by our Consultant, Kim Isaac. We have found that once we grasp the principles of what we are doing, we can adapt ordinary life events into RDI opportunities. At the beginning of the process, Erik was very difficult to engage and he had a very flat, depressed affect. He seemed as depressed about his future as I was worried. Now, eight months later, the depressed demeanor has disappeared, he responds in conversation much more readily, and generally is considerably more engaged with the people and events around him. There have been moments that tell me that he is emerging into a new awareness about his life: sharing a smile with me about a significant accomplishment, telling me he needed new clothes, being curious about where his teacher is traveling this summer. These are subtle changes to be sure, but significant because they confirm to me that we are on our way to a bigger life for all of us."

MS, Scottsdale, AZ

"At the age of 21, my son Kyle is relating to me in ways he has never done before."

"Kyle is on the low end of the autism spectrum and has many severe co-occurring conditions. Despite this, we have experienced many benefits from the RDI® Program.

• Slowing down the pace of everything so it is easier for Kyle to be successful- this means slowing down life and making time for that which is truly important.

• Our relationship is gradually beginning to feel like more of a partnership with us working together in many areas now. A good example would be household chores such as laundry. Rather than focusing on simply getting the task done which was always so difficult for Kyle, the emphasis is on teamwork and creating success for Kyle within our relationship. His confidence level has gone way up and it is so much more enjoyable for both of us.

• After all these years, I rarely have to chase Kyle in the grocery store. He is able to reference me, waiting with the cart in the produce section, watching what I am doing, and knowing when it is time to move on. He is also better able to be my “partner” in shopping, participating in ways that were not possible before.

• I understand and see Kyle and autism better. Though his co-occurring conditions such as motor control issues present obstacles, I am able to see them apart from his desire to participate and be part of a relationship with me. I have new compassion for what he must work through and overcome.

• RDI® has helped me understand Kyle better and create situations for learning to be a partner in our relationship. This has led to more interest from Kyle in being engaged with people vs sitting alone and stimming. He actually seems to get bored sometimes these days, which is something we haven't really seen before.

He is making steady progress as we learn to be better and better coaches for him using the RDI® Program. RDI® has been yet another reminder for me that it is never to late to see growth and development in a person who has autism.

Many thanks to Gayle Nobel, Phoenix, AZ, co-author of "It's All About Attitude: Loving and Living Well with Autism."