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Parents' Previews

My 1-2 year preview goes something like this:

J is currently "sorta-verbal, pre-academic, stage 2ish." The family is at the beach for the day. J (then ~9yo & ASD) notices his big brother H (then ~11 & NT) working on building a sand castle. He comes over to where H is beginning to dig a moat around his partially completed sand castle. He drops to his knees and begins helping H dig out the moat. However, it's a little crowded for both of them to be working on the same side, so H looks up at J, points to the other end of the moat, and says, "I'll dig this way and you dig that way and we'll meet right there." J, in turn, has stopped his work and is looking at H while listening to what he's saying. He grins at H, nods, and heads to the other end of the moat to begin digging over there. Initially he starts digging as instructed, but very quickly he thinks up a perfectly appropriate idea for a little brother who has just been told what to do by his big brother. So, with his next handful of sand from the moat, he eyeballs H, and then throws the ball of wet sand at him, nailing him on his left bicep. He then watches H for his reaction, which is, of course, the predictable big brother reaction. H gives him an angry look and nails J with a sand ball squarely on the chest. J laughs out loud, and grabs another fistful of sand and tries to hit his brother again. Before you know it, the two boys are embroiled in a wet and wild splashing fight in the shallow breakers.

Somehow, H notices that the waves are about to get his castle, which he started too close to the rising tide, and he runs back to try to work on the moat some more. J watches to see where H is going, and follows after him to try to help. H evaluates the situation and decides it's hopeless. Both boys then turn and run together up to the cooler to snag some warm soda and soggy chips. J then grabs the football and throws it to H. H in turn throws it to Dad and Dad throws it to Mom, who throws it back to J, who looks around and decides to toss it to Dad next.

The main idea of the 1-2 year preview is that J is connected to the people in his life. It's all about experience-sharing, and that's pretty much it. He's not really being creative or collaborative, but he's interested in US. And the beach was just a setting to demonstrate what it might look like if the most interesting things to J were the people in his family.

Now, fast forward to 5 years:
The family is on an extended road trip, traveling the country in an RV. J is then~13 yo, Autism Spectrum Disorder; while H is ~15 yo Neurotypical. Both are still homeschooled. Evening rolls around and the lightning bugs start coming out. J wants to know why lightning bugs light up, so he walks over and asks his Mom. Mom begins to explain bio-luminescence and notices J's eyes beginning to glaze over. So, instead, she says, "Well, let's try to catch some and see if we can find out!" J's eyes light back up, and he says, "We need a jar to put them in!" Mom agrees. J goes to the 'camp box' and pulls out a jar, which he then brings back to mom. He suggests, "It needs air holes." But Mom says that they would mess up the lid, and besides, they won't keep the bugs that long. J is a little disappointed, but decides not to press the issue right now. Instead, he and Mom begin chasing and catching lightning bugs. About this time, H and Dad return to camp and start to catch a few bugs themselves. After they have a couple dozen lightning bugs, the boys begin to study them a little more closely, making various observations. Mom and Dad ask if the boys can think of any other creatures they've seen or know of that have bio-luminescence. H suggests deep ocean fish he's read about. J suggests electric eels, which isn't quite right, but was a noble effort. And Mom tells them about the bio-luminescent algae on the beach when she was a kid. J wants to keep the lightning bugs and try to use them for a night light in his bunk later on. Mom suggests that he let them go before he goes to bed, but says that maybe tomorrow he and H could make a terrarium together of some of the local plants and critters.

The main idea of the 5 yr preview is that J has started to be a little more collaborative and a little more curious, and is trying to figure out the world, but that he's trying to do it through the eyes of his family. Thus, he's starting to ask questions that aren't just requests; he's coming up with some ideas and contributions on his own even if they are very simplistic or even wrong, and he's pulling a little bit of his own weight in family projects.

Now, fast forward to 10 years:
J is then ~18 years old. He's been out shooting some hoops in the driveway with a friend. He opens the door from the garage and yells, "Hey Mom, I'm going over to Joe's house for a while." Mom yells back, "Okay, but don't forget you have karate in an hour!" J yells back, "Okay, I won't. See you later!" And he's gone.

The main idea of the 10 yr preview is that J has a friend. This person comes to his house and he goes to their house. He still needs reminding about responsibilities, but he's got a friend, a mutually meaningful social relationship outside the family. Now, I don't say if that friend is also 18, or if he's 35 or if he's 10. I don't know. But it's someone with whom he has a non-facilitated relationship. I tried to think about 9-10 year old's. H (neurotypical) is now 9.5 years old. He has friends that invite him over and that he invites over. He still needs reminding about things like karate and he still has to let me know exactly where he is, but he can play with his friends just fine without me running too much interference. I can't get as detailed on the 10 year preview because it's just SO far out there that it's hard to imagine. But the idea that he has a non-facilitated friend, whoever that may be, is what I have in mind.

Many thanks to Pam H., USA, for sharing her mission previews.

A scene from 1 year from now
(written in January 2007 for January 2008):

J is sitting at the table working on a crayon drawing.
J: "I need a black piece of paper."
Me: "You do?"
J: "Yeah, white crayons won't show up on white paper. I'm drawing the snowstorm that's coming tomorrow."
Me: (searching through our paper supply) "I don't see any black, best I can do is pink."
J: (considering that) "Never mind, I'll just use the white paper as the snow and I'll draw in the other stuff around it."
He gets up from his drawing and goes to the window, looking outside.
J: "Do you think we'll get a lot of snow?"
Me: "Well, they're predicting almost a foot."
J: "Yeah, but sometimes they're wrong."
Me: "That's true."
J: "Maybe we'll get more than that!"
Me: "Maybe we'll get less"
J: "Maybe we'll get rain"
We both laugh, and J returns to his drawing.

A scene from next year at this time
(written in January 2006, for January 2007):

Driving home from the supermarket
J: "Mom, can we stop at the playground on the way home?"
Me: "no, I'm sorry, we've got to get home, we have ice cream in the trunk"
J: "Why does the ice cream need to get home?"
Me: "Because otherwise it will melt."
J: "Oh. I really wanted to go to the playground."
Me: "Tell you what, maybe we can go tomorrow."
J: "Ok! Maybe Russ can come too."

Comments a year later, in January 2007: "At the time, the thought of my son asking to do anything without first prompting him was inconceivable to me. As well as his being OK with me delaying gratification like that or his asking 'WHY' about anything! So it seemed like asking a lot in just a one-year mission preview. But it worked! Last week we drove to a favorite place where my kids love to play and eat, only to discover that I had forgotten my purse and I had no money, so we couldn't go in. My son said, 'That's OK, Mom; we can go home and get your money and come back.' A year ago I couldn't even fathom living through that scenario!"

A scene 5 years from now:

Phone rings:
Voice: "Hi, this is Russ, can I talk to J?"
I call J in from the yard where he's playing baseball with his brother and a few friends. He yells "be right back!" as he comes running.
J: "Hello?...Oh, hi Russ! You should come over, we're playing ball....Hey, Ma!!! Can Russ come over?"
me: "Ok, but we have to leave for Grandma's in a little while."
J: "Yeah, come over now! We can play ball until I have to go to my Grandmother's birthday party."
J yells "Thanks, Ma!" as he runs back out the door.
Sounds of laughter and fun from the yard.

A scene 20 years from now:

J and his wife come to visit us, bringing pictures from their recent trip to Spain. J helps his Dad barbecue steaks on the grill while I chat with his wife about the house they are about to move into, their first home. We're talking about color themes for the nursery when J comes in from the deck with the food and teases me about becoming a grandmother and being old. We all sit down to dinner and discuss our plans to rent a weekend house on the Cape later that summer.

Comments about this scene: "I chose 20 years because J is so young, and I figured we were looking for the overall long-term outcome. Twenty years just seemed more appropriate, because I could include my hopes that he marry and have kids if that's what he wants. If it was a 10-year preview, he'd have only been 15."

Many thanks to Shelley W., CT, for sharing her short, medium and long-term mission previews.

Our 2007 Previews

Parent Preview:
In 2007, I would like to take the knowledge I have learned concerning RDI and remediation for my 2 children on the spectrum, and apply it more completely to our day-to-day life. I would like to strike a better balance of computer time/knowledge vs *doing it.*

Child Previews:
For my first son, I would like to see him continue to feel safe in his learning environment so that his competency continues to increase. He has made many strides in being resilient, but in 2007 I would like to see even more progress. I would like to see his sharing in other people's perspectives continue to increase, as I see this skill emerging. I want 2007 to be the first year that we can both look back on, and know we spent quality time with one another, as we've never had that opportunity because of many obstacles that stood in the way!

I envision a scene where he is finding something difficult, and he turns to me and says "Mom, this is really hard, but I am going to keep trying because I know I can do it if I don't give up." I tell him, "yes, just keep trying different things and it will seem easier the more you do it." He smiles, and says, "Look mom, I did it. It's not perfect, but it is good enough for now."

For my second son, I want to be able to equip him with the mindfulness to help him continue to overcome his self-stimulatory behavior. I want him to see interaction and relationships as much more stimulating than anything else. He also has many sensory issues to overcome, and so this year, I want to continue to use RDI and a sensory diet as a means to help him progress further in his remediation.

I envision a scene where he comes in from playing outside, walks over to me and tells me that he was playing in the sandbox. He tells me that he built a huge sandcastle. He asks me if I want to come see. I say "yes," and walk out to look. He tells me that it was a lot of fun, and that he and his sister did it together. We all hug and walk back inside, where he asks me if he could have a snack. While we eat, he wants to tell me what he plans on building next.

Many thanks to Kathy D., New Jersey, for sharing her 2007 previews.