Happy Holidays! This week we are sharing a portrayal of how to incorporate some RDI principles into this wonderful holiday season. Grab a warm cup of comfort, sit back and lets enjoy this journey. As you read along, imagine how you might be able to recreate a similar situation with your own family. 

One of the more delightful aspects of the holiday season is the chance to create or experience traditions with your children. The holidays are a richly emotional time and all the excitement, smells, tastes and special opportunities to spend time together can be deeply meaningful to all of us. You can frame many traditional holiday activities to incorporate or elaborate upon your parent or child objectives within the RDI® program.  Below is just one example of how to plan to create opportunities for remediation by making hot mulled cider together!

To build anticipation, talk in a declarative experience sharing manner about how chilly it is outside (perhaps especially when it gets dark) and how maybe a nice, warm drink would warm everyone up.

 "Hmmm....what could we make?...Oh! I have an idea!" 

 See if this gets your child curious about what you are thinking. Share excited gazes as you talk about your own memories from childhood of someone special making hot mulled cider on cold nights around the holidays. This can also build excited anticipation.

Use declarative (aka experience sharing) language as you try to remember where you stored the yummy spices that make it taste so special:

 "I wonder if we could do the same thing.....look....we have a bottle of cider.....and I'm   sure if I look in the cabinet, I could find some sweet spices to add...."

 Exchange excited looks and talk about how fun it is to watch and smell the cider as it heats up and the spices blend in and fill the air with that wonderful holiday smell.

Create many opportunities along the way for others to get involved, inviting them directly or indirectly using declarative phrases:

 "Anyone can stir cider - it's really very easy and fun to do!"

 "Any cider stirrers interested in stir-stir-stirring this cider?" (You can briefly and slowly demonstrate this).

  "Am I the only one who can smell this incredible smell?"

 "Hmmm....I wonder if I put in the right amount of cinnamon...I wish I had a taste-tester to help me decide....I really can't tell."

 "I'm just not sure if this is warm enough yet..."

"I wonder what I should serve the cider in..."

 "If I could just think of the perfect snack to serve with this warm cider..."

 Take time to spotlight and explore the sensory experiences of the ingredients as you assemble, open and prepare them. Offer samples, smells, etc. of the un-mulled juice, cider or spices and generously provide your own nonverbal reactions to enhance referencing and enjoyment-sharing.

Create opportunities for referencing by letting children help measure the cider and spices (even if it's not really necessary!) with minimal verbal, mostly nonverbal guidance which will create productive uncertainty. Spotlight "next steps" nonverbally by providing amplified directional gazes or strategic, punctuated placement or handing over of items to be used, or by declarative statements such as:

 "I bet that cider can't wait to get into a nice warm bathtub (building up your child's ability to move between fantasy and reality or think in analogy). 

 "Let's warm up that tub!" (as you light the burner).

 Spotlight mistakes about to happen or dangers with sounds, noises or dramatic body language that will attract the child's attention without alarming or shaming them.

Demonstrate "the stir" and nonverbally offer the stirring utensil to your child with an inviting look. Use chants or made-up songs to provide a rhythmic environment to help regulate the stirring, adding your own physical guidance only as needed (appropriate scaffolding). Create pauses periodically by lowering your head over the cider a bit, breathing in deeply and widening your eyes as you nonverbally communicate your pleasure directly to your child. Watch for opportunities for sharing your emotions with your child as they begin to imitate your behavior. Amplify those moments.

Keep the heat moderately low so it takes a few minutes longer and the anticipation can keep building. Consider adding a dollop of butter to round out the flavors in the cider (now it becomes hot buttered cider, an elaboration or variation). Build anticipation of the moment when it will be ready:

 "I remember Aunt Polly used to turn off the heat just before it boiled. She always said that when the steam starts to swirl and rise in heavy clouds, it's ready! ...... "But....are WE ready?"

 Widen your eyes as you stare at your child wordlessly. See if your child prompts you to get out some mugs.

Pouring is an opportunity to practice co-regulation with synchronized role actions:

 "You hold the mug, I'll pour" or "I'll hold the mug, you can scoop" (use a non-heating measuring cup).

 Don't remind them to pour, they'll figure that part out if you just hold the mug and hand them the scooping device and will feel good about having figured it out.

Amplify the carefulness in your movements at this point and spotlight with held breath, little noises, etc. If you see your child picking this up, see if you can let them carry the mugs themselves to a table. Celebrate that.

Amplify the enjoyment of the ritual of sipping cider. Try to take that first sip nonverbally, making a big sipping noise if you want! Use your eyes and entire face and body language to communicate your experience, spotlighting additionally with all sorts of noises if needed, but don't "clutter" it too much. Watch carefully for your child's imitation or own version of this and warmly join in to share those emotions. If appropriate, reminisce with short, clear, warm stories of holiday memories around shared moments with family.

Take pictures but, only if you don't have to disrupt the moment to do so. Talk at bedtime about how much you enjoyed that time. Spotlight for the child how important their role was, recreating the moment a bit by using some of the imagery, sounds or faces from the activity. Talk about traditions and explore whether this is an activity your child would enjoy turning into one. Give your child a "hot mulled kiss" goodnight!

 Here are some fun or silly variations, transformations, reversals and elaborations:

1. "I'm tired of the same old cider thing.....I wonder what we could add to make it more  exciting this year/time."

2. "I wonder what would happen if we tried to stir it with cinnamon sticks."

3. Stop the mulling early while just warm and silently offer straws to sip out of the pan, using fun expressions and excitement as you do this.

4. Bring out the new, fun holiday mug set you picked up at Costco.

 5. At the last minute, as you are about to enjoy your cider by itself, gasp and jump up and fetch the REALLY special treats you've been saving...."OH MY GOSH!  I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THESE!"

 6. Use whole cloves and large chunks of cinnamon sticks to mull, and add a step of having to pour the cider through a sieve.

 7. Light candles and turn off the lights to enjoy your cider.

 8. Play holiday music to enjoy your cider to.

 9. Serve with the really cute, funny cocktail napkins you found.

 10. Use the moment to do a round-table about everyone's favorite things.

 11. Use the moment to kick off a related holiday craft activity, like making clove-studded clementines as closet freshener gifts, commenting on the similarities in fragrance.

 12. Try different kinds of cider (clear v. unfiltered, granny smith apple juice v. macintosh, etc.) or different combinations of spices. Talk about where in the world the spices come from and use the opportunity to introduce "just a pinch" of some new ones, like nutmeg or cardamom. Explore the smells, colors and textures of various spices as you do this.

 13. Try hot buttered cider, by adding just a small amount of butter or substitute.

 14. Show your child how to grate in a small amount of orange or lemon rind.

 15. Explore together what happens if you add a favorite flavor, such as caramel, vanilla or almond.

 Remember that these are only fun or meaningful if the basic pattern of making hot spiced cider has been encoded as a strong, positive episodic memory, so save these for another year if that is not yet firmly in place.

 Have a wonderful, family-filled Holiday Season!

Janet L. Bowden, M.A., M.F.T.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC37697)
RDI® Program Certified Consultant
For: Janet Bowden, A Family Therapy Corporation
3685 Motor Ave., Suite 230, Los Angeles, CA 90034
Phone and Fax(310) 559-1071