Our guest author this week is Michelle VanderHeide, Certified RDI® Program Consultant. Michelle will provide food for thought for families as they consider what is important to hold onto and what is worth letting go. If you're confused about where to put your energy or what to prioritize in your life, the RDI ® program can help.
It drives me crazy when I just finished cleaning the kitchen and my husband sets down a dirty dish right next to the sink and above the ever-so-welcoming dishwasher. Why can't he just take two seconds longer, open the dishwasher and put it in? I could let that burn and get angry. I could nag and beg him to change his ways, but I doubt it would change anything. Is it worth putting energy into such as slight issue? Does the nagging improve my relationship with him? Does it really matter?
It's human nature to try and have control of our lives and the lives of those around us. Situations come up several times a day in which we have to decide what's the best way to respond and we often make the decision without much thought. Some of these situations are important and others are not, but isn't it true that we often burden ourselves with situations we can't control? Learning to let go of the not-so-important and uncontrollable situations in our lives and knowing when to fight the more important matters will both empower us and decrease the many burdens and energy-draining issues we face on a daily basis. Consider the questions below when making decisions on how to respond to situations you face daily:
Is it important that it changes?
How important is the situation and that something really changes? What makes it important or not important? Does it need to be a priority? Is somebody at risk of being hurt? Are there health concerns involved? What's the worst that could happen if you let it go?
Can I control it?
Can you truly control it and is it worth it? What happens if you control it? Is it energy well used or is there something more important that you can focus your energy on?
How will I feel once the change has been made?
Will you feel empowered? Will you feel you've made an important change? Will you make a difference?
How will the other person you are trying to control feel?
Will others feel nagged or empowered? Will there be a sense of relief that some boundaries have been laid and expectations are clear? Will s/he be healthier or safer as a result?
Control or let go?
After considering the questions above, is it important to do something about it or just let it go?
Keeping these things in mind anytime you feel the need to control or make a change will help to determine the importance of the change happening and help you decide where your energy should be focused.
"Alright, I really don't need to talk to my boss about the fact that I would rather have mechanical pencils than regular ole' pencils at my work place - I could always bring my own."
"I absolutely need to fight the fact that my child is eating only 5 foods or less." I want a good quality of life for my child and my family, so I will do whatever it takes to make that happen."
The above principles and many other fabulous strategies are used throughout the RDI® Program to help you decrease stress, channel energy in effective ways and make life changing differences for you and your family.
Michelle VanderHeide is an autism specialist with the Horizons Developmental Remediation Center. She holds the prestigious title of Relationship Development Intervention (RDI®) Program Certified Consultant. With a background in social work, in-home supports and family-based therapy, Michelle is a highly sought-after consultant for families throughout the United States and abroad.