Guest author, Michelle Tham lives and works in Singapore.  She graciously shares with us some life lessons she has learned along the way in her RDI journey. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."  ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

As I read the quote above, I think about the top ideas in my life that have really stretched my mind. RDI is amongst them. As a consultant, I have learned that for me to work successfully with my families, the lessons that I share with my families, are the very same things that have made a difference to me.

Here're my top three favorite lessons:

It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint

RDI advocates that all parents start with the mindset that RDI's approach to remediation will take time, patience, focus, and above all, perseverance and pacing. This prepares the families to understand that there will be a need to keep at "it" (whatever "it" may be; managing logistics, difficulty setting limits, staying calm, breaking habits etc) at a healthy pace because consistency and continuity are needed so that the family and the child with ASD reaches a breakthrough point. It is an important lesson that is not just for the families but for all considering RDI.

A parent of mine selected "Pace ourselves for the journey ahead" as a phrase to remember at this point. This word "pace" made me stop, think, and switch modes as a therapist, consultant, and as a person. It caused me to slow down and tune in....something I didn't do quite enough of. When Carol, a fellow classmate and consultant shared about "pausing", I immediately related this to my own learning about the importance of choosing a pace that allowed time to respond, reflect, and remain on track. I now pay keen attention to the pace of my clients and their families, as well as my own.

Focus on the Process and Not the Product
Possibly the most difficult accomplishment for me since becoming a consultant was to let go of my attachment to arrive at the results and then work with my families to let go of their 'end product' fixations so that their interactions became doors to opportunities. This was hard. Frequently, parents ask, "What should I expect in terms of a child's response?" And my answer was, and still is, "Let him/her surprise us."

I also noticed changes in my own approach to therapy as a speech pathologist, and instead of focusing solely on the child's verbal responses, I started to break things into the processes required and began targeting these instead. This really increased my effectiveness and results. Previously, I would look at different ways I could target a child's response if I asked, "What do I need?" (while holding out wet hands). Now, I just look at my wet hands close to the child, and make a gasping face with "Yikes!" This shift of focus has led to nonchalant glances, puzzled looks, and curious touches.  These all tell me that for that moment, the child has been drawn out of his world and into mine, even if it is just for a mere second.

Resilience For a Dynamic World
Resilience, in its purest definition, is the physical property of a material that can return to its original shape or position after deformation that does not exceed its elastic limit, flexibility, occurrence of rebounding or springing back. The idea of why resilience is so important in RDI to me is that the opposite, rigidity, has its roots in fear; fear of the unknown, fear of failing, and fear of too many challenges that might be too much.  Did I mention that these fears are frequently those of the parents and even me, the consultant!

I began to have a new relationship to the words "fear of failing" after taking on families in RDI. RDI was a new found hope for many of my families and their trust and faith in me to deliver the program made me rediscover a whole new level to pressure. Getting to know each family intimately meant being able to share in their struggles, fears, and yearnings for success. And I was afraid to fail them!

To work through these fears, many of the principals that I had as objectives for parents I practiced alongside them. And with each scaffolded step and small victories, WE built OUR resilience as we faced failing and our fears, and achieved what would have been previously impossible.

And I can happily say, our journey has only just begun...

  - - - - - -

Michelle is an RDI Program Certified Consultant and Speech Language Pathologist based in Singapore. She thoroughly enjoys the challenges and opportunities that running a multidisciplinary intervention clinic and working with her treasured RDI families bring.  She says of her current position and journey on RDI, "I can't imagine doing anything else!"