Letting Go: Taking a Step Back
My RDI Experience

RDI Consultant, Carol Subramani

The following journal entry was used by permission from a dad who is a client of RDI Consultant, Carol Subramani.

I grew up in a family that has excelled in sport at all levels, from the Olympics right down to school sports. Sport is life and is discussed at family gatherings and, if given a slight window of opportunity, at any time of day. It is not a new phenomenon that parents nowadays try to live their childhood through their children. It is of no relevance if the parent was a geek or had no sports ability because, when it comes to their children, they tend to push and pressure them into performing to please whether or not they experience self enjoyment or pleasure.  

As a parent, I started looking at tell-tale signs of hand eye co-ordination, running ability, physical development, flat feet and a spurt of interest when my son was very young. I used to take him to the golf club regularly. I even cut down a putter so he could run around and putt with me on the practice green. He had shown some interest in golf and I made it my mission to ensure that he got the best opportunity to play, but little did I realize that in my enthusiasm I was overbearing, instructive, and showed agitation at incompetence. Basically I ended up destroying what could have been a very enjoyable introduction to a sport. The minute he had developed enough confidence and was able to voice his displeasure, he completely rejected it. He now says "I hate golf". The positive that came out of this experience is that I realized the villain was me and, I had to change as a parent.  

"Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them with your favorite colors." -Khaled Hosseini   

When I realized I was expecting too much from my son, I completely changed my approach. I started taking him for a run with a football and basically played anything he wanted to. I stopped forcing him into any sporting activity which resulted in him wanting to pick up a ball or a cricket bat to just have fun. He came back from school one day and asked us to buy him a Manchester United jersey. We indulged him till he had collected quite a few team jerseys. He also started football class on his own insistence, since a lot of his peers were enjoying it.

I continued to play football and cricket with him regularly. He now looks forward to his football class and is quite upset if he has to miss it on any one of the days. He has also developed a keen interest in cricket. He is a child who adapts to a sport very easily, his competence levels are pretty high and this has developed his confidence which makes him feel at par, if not better, than his peers.  

The lesson that I learned was never to push him to the point where sports or any other activity starts becoming a grind and where the enjoyment is sucked out of it.  

I am a better parent now than I was a couple of years ago.