Professionals often tell me, “I know my client is autistic, but it still feels like we are speaking different languages.”
Speech-language pathologists, teachers, counselors, and therapists are skilled communicators, yet when neurotypes differ, even well-intended strategies can miss the mark.
In the RDI® model, we begin by re-framing communication differences as a two-way challenge and then we equip guides to create conditions where shared meaning can grow.
First, update the mental model: it is a two-way problem
For years, the default assumption was that breakdowns were located inside the autistic person.
Research on the “double empathy problem” invites a different view: mismatches in understanding are mutual and more likely when people who experience the world differently try to interact.
Importantly, autistic people often communicate effectively with one another; the drop in rapport appears most strongly in mixed autistic–non-autistic pairs. That tells us the barrier is not a global “deficit” but a mismatch that both partners can learn to bridge.
A quick story that may feel familiar
An autistic woman described a moment in elementary school: she exaggerated a shrug and raised her eyebrows to silently tell a classmate “I have no idea.” The teacher saw the same gesture and concluded the student was mocking her. The student felt shamed; the teacher felt disrespected. Two people, two interpretations, no shared meaning.
RDI® treats these moments as valuable data. Instead of asking “How do we stop that behavior?” we ask, “What was each person perceiving? What scaffold would have allowed both to check their interpretations in real time?”
In RDI®, communication is more than speech
Clinicians new to autism sometimes lean hard on words: more words, faster words, questions to pull language out. In RDI® we slow down and broaden the channel.
We teach guides to prioritize experience-sharing communication (declaratives such as “I wonder,” “Let’s look,” “This seems tricky”) over rapid-fire questions. We emphasize the non-verbal channel: gaze shifts, facial referencing, timing, and shared attention as the backbone of meaning. This is consistent with RDI® resources for therapists and our guidance to SLPs that “communication is key, not language.”
Why your usual strategies may stall
Most school and clinic environments reward speed, certainty, and getting to the answer. Autistic clients often need a different rhythm. When the environment moves too quickly, they may shift into coping, masking, or task performance without shared understanding. The outcome looks like “compliance,” but fragile rapport and limited generalization follow. RDI® helps professionals replace performance pressure with just-right challenges and co-regulated pacing that invite curiosity and flexible thinking.
Practical bridges you can build this week
The following practices come directly from RDI® principles and can be used by SLPs, teachers, counselors, and therapists who want immediate traction.
1) Lead with experience-sharing language
Replace most questions with comments that spotlight the experience you want to share.
- “I am noticing the picture is crowded. I am not sure where to start.”
- “This sound feels hard today. Let’s try a softer one first.”
Comments reduce interrogation pressure, keep both partners in the same frame, and preserve space for the client’s initiative.
2) Calibrate the non-verbal channel
Before increasing demands, tune the setting:
- Lower sensory load where possible.
- Sit shoulder-to-shoulder for joint viewing rather than face-to-face if eye contact is hard.
- Use your own gaze shifts and head turns to invite noticing without telling.
You are modeling how to reference another mind and the surrounding context, a cornerstone of dynamic communication.
3) Expand wait time and slow the tempo
After a prompt or comment, count silently. Give time for perception, planning, and response. Professionals often report that doubling wait time transforms sessions: fewer escalations, more self-initiated bids for connection, and clearer evidence of thinking.
4) Spotlight the problem, not the solution
When the goal is flexible communication, do not pre-solve. Hold up the uncertainty together:
- “We have two pages and five minutes. Which part matters most?”
- “The timer is fast today. How can we let it help us rather than rush us?”
This approach aligns with RDI®’s focus on guiding rather than managing, and it builds the client’s tolerance for ambiguity, a key component of dynamic intelligence.
5) Use visual and tactile scaffolds as bridges, not scripts
Visuals, gesture cues, and tactile anchors can reduce cognitive load and support regulation. In RDI® we treat them as temporary supports that make shared meaning possible, then we fade them as understanding stabilizes. This keeps the focus on thinking, not rote responding.
6) Name perspectives explicitly
Many clients benefit when you make mental states visible:
- “When I look at your face, I read ‘confused.’ I might be wrong. What are you noticing?”
- “From my side, the sound ‘s’ is slippery. What is it like on your side?”
Perspective-taking is learned by doing, with safety. It grows faster when the guide is willing to be wrong in public.
7) Normalize repair
Conflicts and misreads will happen. Build a repair ritual:
- Pause. Breathe together.
- Each person states what they thought was happening.
- Decide one small adjustment.
- Try again.
This ritual directly counters double-empathy breakdowns by making mismatch and repair part of the curriculum rather than proof that someone has failed.
Session vignette: shifting from answers to meaning
An SLP is targeting conversational turn-taking with a teen who scripts and perseverates on topic shifts. Instead of peppering him with questions, she places two photos on the table, one crowded city scene and one quiet park. She says, “I am drawn to this one, and I am not sure why.” She looks, waits, and traces the skyline slowly with her finger. He glances between the photos, taps the park, then says, “Less noise.” She replies, “You read the noise from the picture. I missed that. Tell me more.” Over 12 minutes, they exchange three short phrases and a dozen non-verbal bids. The data point is not “three turns each.” The data is shared attention increasing, mutual referencing stabilizing, and a small new channel for meaning opening.
This is RDI® in ordinary time: we slow down, notice together, and let competence emerge in the space between prompts.
Learn more about language delays and autistic students
Working with teams who are new to autism
Many school teams have strong skills but little specific training in autistic communication. The first step is shared language. Offer a brief in-service that introduces:
- Double empathy as a mutual, bridgeable difference
- Experience-sharing vs. performance communication
- The value of co-regulation and wait time
- Use of declaratives, visual scaffolds, and perspective naming
Point colleagues to starter resources designed for therapists and educators.
When progress looks slow
If your client seems compliant in session but does not generalize, assume you are measuring the wrong thing. Shift your lens to foundations: emotional regulation, mutual engagement, curiosity, and perspective-taking. When these deepen, language becomes more authentic and relationships strengthen. This is why RDI® guidance for SLPs centers communication as shared meaning rather than as output.
Bringing it back to the classroom vignette
Return to our earlier story of the misunderstood shrug. What might have helped?
- Pre-briefing to name communicative options for “I do not know yet”
- Teacher modeling of her own inner state: “I am reading that face as teasing. I may be wrong. Tell me what you meant.”
- Repair ritual so the moment becomes learning, not a rupture
Small shifts change trajectories. The same student may leave that class able to say, “When I look like this, I mean I am confused,” and the teacher may start checking assumptions before correcting.
Why this matters for outcomes
Communication in real life is dynamic and unpredictable. Autistic adults often report that they can learn specific skills but struggle to flex them in changing contexts.
The RDI® focus on dynamic intelligence addresses exactly that gap by cultivating flexible thinking, relational information processing, and the ability to integrate multiple cues over time. These capacities support independence far beyond the clinic hour.
Try this in your next session
- Choose a short, meaningful activity with natural uncertainty: assembling two similar but not identical objects, comparing two images, or navigating a simple map.
- Replace questions with three to four declaratives.
- Double your wait time.
- Name one perspective mismatch and repair it together.
- End by reflecting on what each person noticed rather than what each person did.
These micro-shifts are small enough to implement tomorrow and powerful enough to change the conversation.
Becoming the Guide: Train as an RDI® Consultant
If this piece resonated, you are likely already practicing parts of what bridges the gap across neurotypes: slowing the pace, using experience sharing language, naming perspectives, and repairing mismatches. RDI® gives you a clear developmental framework to do this work with intention across settings and ages. You learn how to calibrate just-right challenges, read the nonverbal channel, and coach caregivers so progress generalizes beyond the therapy room.
Consultant training is designed for working professionals. You will study the foundations of dynamic intelligence, use video for precise feedback, and learn to build plans inside daily life rather than adding more tasks to a family’s schedule. The result is deeper engagement, better carryover, and a practice that is both effective and sustainable.
If you are ready to move from managing behaviors to guiding development, I invite you to consider certification as an RDI® Consultant. Our next U.S. training cohort begins in October, and we would be glad to talk through whether this is the right step for you. Go here for more information.
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