When a child receives a “Level 3” autism diagnosis, parents are often met with a list of limitations rather than a path forward. In a recent episode of the Autism: A New Perspective podcast, host Kat Lee spoke with RDI® consultant Karla Galvan about her son Lorenzo’s journey – a story that moves from a “life sentence” diagnosis to a life of international travel, athletic achievement, and artistic success.
The Weight of a “Life Sentence”
Upon receiving Lorenzo’s diagnosis at age two, Karla was told to stop having expectations for her son. The medical professionals suggested he would never have a quality life. This is a common experience for many parents of children with complex autism, where the diagnosis feels more like a sentence than a clinical observation.
“In that moment, you do believe it, but you don’t believe it,” Karla recalls. While the experts held the degrees, Karla held her “very alive” two-year-old and knew there was a person inside who was capable of more than the labels suggested.
Identifying the Obstacles
As Lorenzo grew, the gaps between him and his peers—and even his younger siblings—became more apparent. He wasn’t learning through traditional means; he wasn’t pointing, making eye contact, or understanding language. While he was physically active, he was “shut down” in the area of learning and screamed to communicate both joy and sadness.
The turning point came when Karla realized that Lorenzo’s challenges weren’t just “autism”—they were complex, co-occurring obstacles that required a different approach.
The RDI® Difference: Systematic Growth
Karla began the Relationship Development Intervention (RDI®) program, which focused on slowing down communication and building a foundation for connection. However, because Lorenzo had to be taught “everything” in a systematic way, Karla had to transition from being just a mother to being a Guide.
“I didn’t want to be a teacher for him. I wanted to be a mom,” Karla says. But she realized that she was the one who knew him best. The key was not just in the technique, but in self-belief. Once Karla believed she could figure it out, the path to Lorenzo’s autonomy began to open.
Lorenzo Today: From Level 3 to Limitless
Now 21 years old, Lorenzo has defied every early prediction. His list of accomplishments is staggering:
- The Arts: He is an accomplished pianist and an artist whose work has been exhibited in the U.S. and Mexico, with an upcoming feature at Paris Fashion Week.
- Athletics: He is a black belt, runs marathons, and plays basketball and tennis.
- Independence: He travels internationally (visiting Japan and moving between three countries), handles abrupt changes in routine, and takes care of his own daily needs.
Advice for the Journey
Karla is honest about the difficulty of the path, acknowledging that there are days when any parent would want to “throw the towel”. Her advice to new parents is simple but profound: “If there are impossibles, then you make it possible. And if you cannot make it possible, you ask for help”.
Lorenzo’s story serves as a powerful reminder that “Level 3” is a description of support needs, not a cap on human potential. By focusing on the relationship and teaching systematically, even the most complex obstacles can be overcome.
Learn More and Get Connected
Want to learn more about the RDI® approach and how it supports meaningful relationships and long-term development? Click here to discover more about RDI® and connect with a certified consultant who can walk with you on your journey.
Full Transcript
Kat Lee: Welcome back to Autism, A New Perspective, the podcast show where we help you understand what is going on in the mind of your child, and we always encourage you that growth for your child is possible. I’m Kat Lee, and in this week’s podcast, I visited with RDI parent and consultant Karla Galvan. Karla shares with us the amazing impact RDI has had on her son’s life, despite the tremendous obstacles that have challenged him.
Let’s listen in. Karla, thank you so much for joining us, and I think, maybe this is as a mom, that we’re going to talk about a hard subject today. Our children are our heart, so talking about some of the and obstacles they’ve had to overcome.
We talk a lot about crisis and parents and parent obstacles, but really, it’s our children who are so brave and so resilient, because they’re really the ones who have the struggle. And so, I know I’m asking you to talk about that today, and I really appreciate you for being willing to, and I really just want you to tell us a little about the early life of Lorenzo, what you were told when you went and got a diagnosis, and then those first couple of years, what you came to realize about him.
Karla Galvan Duque: Yeah, it is a hard topic, but I think it has to be said, because people need to understand this kind of population or this diagnosis, especially because, as you said, the first thing they told me when I got the diagnosis is that I had to stop any expectations of him, that he was not going to do anything, that he was not have a quality life, and of course, that my family will have to think about what we want to do with him in the future, you know, like, they really told us that, I mean, he wasn’t dead, but he was like, yeah, this is a life sentence for us.
Kat Lee: I don’t even want to ask you, how did that make you feel? Because that really feels like a ridiculous question to me. But how did it come over you?
Because I don’t know, how did you process that? I mean, hearing those words, and I unfortunately have heard them as well, did you believe that?
Karla Galvan Duque:In that moment, you do believe it, but you don’t believe it. It’s like a mix of feelings, because then you think that they are right, because they are the ones who know best. But on the other hand, I was looking at my little baby, he was just two years old, and they were telling me what was going to happen to him.
And so it was like, these feelings, okay, they know, but how can they know about him? And even though Lorenzo had a lot of vulnerabilities and a lot of obstacles, because he was very, he had an autism that is very complex. This child, this baby, he was two years old, who was jumping, who was, you know, he was alive, very alive.
So it’s like, it’s a process that you have to, okay, I need to stop thinking about what’s going to happen with him. But on the other hand, you see that he’s able to. So it’s, it’s, it’s a feeling that you are fighting to each one against other, because you don’t want to believe it.
But they’re telling you, you know, it’s, it’s very hard to explain. I don’t know if I explained it.
Kat Lee: You did. And I was thinking that, you know, when the children are 18 months, two years, two and a half, even three, people will get this news, sadly, even today, I know he’s, he’s going to be 22, I think, this year. You know, they still get those awful words today, not autism.
That’s not the awful word. The awful word is, you know, he’s not, you’re going to end up in an, I think you were told in an institution or something is what you were told. But it’s, it’s the, we don’t know what’s going to happen.
And so sometimes the children will start talking and they will get better feedback from the doctors. In your case, I think, if you don’t mind sharing, you started to see signs that he was really in trouble. How was that?
Tell us a little bit about that time and what you started seeing.
Karla Galvan Duque:Well, we, I already had my daughter who was almost four years old. She was three years old, almost four years old. Well, he, when he was diagnosed, she was four and then I have a sixth baby.
So for me, I had, they say do not compare, but you do compare, you know, so I was, I was seeing my girls growing up very fast and, you know, taking hands very fast, like, like little sponges. And I didn’t see that in my son. I saw that he was pretty much alive because he was jumping and running.
He wasn’t jumping. He was running, you know, like aimless and things like that. But he was not learning anything.
He couldn’t, he couldn’t say any word. He all just, he just screamed. Even if he was very happy, he screamed a lot or he was very sad.
So he screamed a lot. So there were a lot of screaming in my house for him, from him. And, and I was, I remember having my six month old, you know, like, well, she’s, she’s, she’s doing the things that she’s just six months and she’s doing more things that than her brother.
And then I remember, you know, they, how my, my, my oldest one was developing and it was not nearly, you know, they even equal, not even somehow it was completely, he was like shut down in that part of learning things. I started RDI pretty soon. He was, he was diagnosed, but it was like, it took us one year to, to get to the diagnose, you know, because we, and we saw all the challenges he was there, you know, the milestones he didn’t have, like pointing, looking at the eyes, things like they always tell you or ask you or you expect.
And well, when I, when he was diagnosed and then I learned about RDI, I saw the difference because what I saw is that with just, you know, the slowing it down and not talking too much, and, you know, all the principles, he was starting to, to have more contact with us. But, but the learning, the, the, you know, the, the, the speech things, the understanding the words, understanding what we were saying to him, understanding his environment, that didn’t go like as natural as we expected. And I was, I was looking at our kids because then you start to know in the community.
And then I was looking to other kids and I saw that naturally they were, they were having that. And I saw that my son was not just not, not even, you know, emerging to, to those kinds of things. So that’s when I came and I said, okay, this is, he’s getting better.
He’s more connected, but we still need to do more because he has more challenges that is, and I, I, right now I say that was not autism. Of course, it’s part of autism, but I think for him, because he, I haven’t seen that in, in, in, in the, in other kids. I saw that he has, he had some other issues, you know, that I had to work on.
Kat Lee: I think that though is a message of hope because you did do that. What do you think were some keys to that? Because there’s a lot of children who are in this situation and it can be hard to maintain hope for that.
What was it, what were a couple of keys for you?
Karla Galvan Duque:I had to tell you, and you were there, that moment when I realized that we had to work a lot, I wanted to throw the towel. And I think I did for, for some months. It took me, it took me time to process.
For me, it was, again, going over again what he needs, what I want from him, what, what he can do, what he cannot do. Stop, stop looking at him as someone who, who cannot do anything, but let’s see how he learns. I knew that he could learn.
I didn’t know how, but I knew he could learn because he was already walking. So, he learned to walk, you know, he was, he was doing stuff that even though it didn’t came natural for him, but we taught him. So, I knew that we had to look and figure out how, how we, how he learned and we have to learn from him.
So, we taught him a very step, a very systematic way. I had to understand, it took me, I had to say again, it took me time because I didn’t want to do it. I want, I wanted, I don’t even want to be a teacher for him.
I wanted to be a mom. But the other thing is that the only person who was going to be with him, it was me. So, and I’m not as, I was in that moment, I didn’t know a lot of autism, but I did know about my son.
So, I have to believe in myself. I had to work on myself and believe. And the moment I believe, I remember the moment I believe it was in my sister-in-law’s kitchen when I was talking to her and I say, I don’t know what to say.
And she just told me, you’re just going to figure out. And just when I heard that from her, I said, she knows me. She knows my obstacles.
She, she, she knew me very well. So, if she says that I can do it, I can do it, you know. And the key is just believe in myself.
That will be the first key.
Kat Lee: Well, and it’s one of the hardest keys as a parent. And, and why? Because I know, am I right?
You were a graphic design? Was that your, you’re an artist, basically. You know, my background was in radio.
What do we know?
Karla Galvan Duque: Yeah, nothing.
Kat Lee: I was going to say, you know, we’re both RDI consultants now. We have been for some time. And, oh, well, did you have a degree?
No. I would be on the radio. You want to be doing your art thing.
You know, that’s what we planned. And so, no, we didn’t know anything. And both of us as parents came in.
I know I did anyway. I won’t speak for you as a blank slate on child development. I had an older daughter, as you know, but I just had fun with her.
And then all of a sudden, you’re very paying attention. And you’re in that position.
Karla Galvan Duque:When I talk about severe, I understood more as a, not a sentence in that moment. I was like, okay, we have to work a lot, you know. Now, six years after, when I started to see that he was not getting a lobster, I was like, well, he’s very severe.
This is very complex, you know. And then when they started to talk about the levels, for me, it was, I don’t care anymore about the levels. I just care about Lorenzo.
And he has, for me, it’s a complex autism. It’s a very, it’s not a profound autism because he’s very connected to us. And I will see that he’s connected.
He has to, it takes time to teach him. We have to teach him a lot of things. We still have to teach him a lot of things in a very systematic way.
But once he gets it, he gets it, and he’s doing extraordinary things. So it’s very different, difficult for me to level him. I say always now, now level three, so people understand all the things that we have done.
Because now, when you see Lorenzo, people say, oh, he’s not that bad. And I was like, just give me five minutes and you will see all the obstacles. Yeah.
But because he follows instructions, he can go out. He understands the uncertainty that he can regulate when there is a lot of changes. So they don’t, that’s autism and they don’t see that on him.
So they are always like, well, yeah, we don’t have it that hard. And I’m like, we had a lot of, we have a lot of, a big work with him, you know, 27, we still have to work with him. So yeah, he’s neurodivergent.
I like that word actually now. It took me a time to understand that word, but I like that, that once I understood it because it says it’s, his brain is different, but I have to speak for him because he still has a lot of complex situations and he still has to work in complex that other people do not work, even if they have another level of autism.
Kat Lee: Well, I love what you’re saying because you’re talking about what he has to do and how invested he is in his own self agency. He’s the one who really has had to do so much. And, but what I know is that through this process, you’ve continued to build your relationship with him as has his dad, as has his family, which is so important.
And I remember you telling me, you’ve told me through the years, but you, you tell me on a regular basis that you’re, if it’s just you and him or for a day or a week, it’s, it’s fine. You all have a good time together. And I just, you can’t put a value on that.
It has so much value. It’s, it’s beyond.
Karla Galvan Duque:When our children are diagnosed, we, we, I feel that so much, sometimes we’re the selfish ones because we’re, we’re the one who suffered. We are the one who had the, the pain inside us. But, but when you have to understand at the end, they are the ones who’s going to work more.
They are the ones who are not, who have to put all the efforts, even if they don’t want to, because if, if now they say it’s now the no paradigm that says, well, would you just look for things that he likes? And I say, yeah, but there’s, we have a family where we’re a party of five. So this is reciprocal, you know, we as a family have, have to do things that we don’t like because of the other member, you know?
So sometimes my daughter wants to do something and I don’t want to do it, but I will do it for her. And the same thing with her. So with, with Lorenzo, it’s the same thing, but now I have to understand it’s not my, of course I have to work on this to help him.
But at the end, the effort is for him, it’s him. At the end, the person who suffers or the person who has the, you know, to, to make his own effort, it’s, it’s him. And I, I, when I, each day I admire him because I know that is, he is, he’s always working on him and he’s still very happy, you know?
But yes, it’s important to understand that even though as a family, we, we, we suffer, they, you have to multiply by two for them.
Kat Lee: Tell us about him now and why understanding potentiality is so important.
Karla Galvan Duque:It is important because as you said, 19 years ago, when he was diagnosed, he is, they said it was a life sentence. We wouldn’t do anything. He’s now 21 years old and he has been doing art.
He’s been, his art has been exhibited in, in, in United States, in Mexico. It’s going to be, we’re going to be in France in November in the fashion week. He plays a piano, he runs marathons, he plays basketball, he plays tennis.
He is a black, I forgot the word, the black belt. Thank you. We go out a lot.
We love to go out. We travel, we travel to different places. We have been in Japan and that’s, believe me, that was a challenge.
He eats like with us, normal food. I would say normal is whatever we have at home, you know, he eats the same as us. He enjoys go to the cinema.
He enjoys go to the theaters. He goes, he enjoys just stay with, with the parties. He, he loves to be in weddings and others.
He, every day he, he’s, he does everything by himself. Sometimes, of course, he, yeah, he dresses himself and you’re like, oh, I don’t like what you’re dressing, but we don’t care anymore. He’s dressing and that’s what he likes.
He, he takes care of himself. Yeah. Sometimes we, he needs a little bit of help because, because maybe he needs a shaving.
He’s better at everything, but he does everything. He, he really is part of the family and he, he’s now even has his job with the art. So you have, we couldn’t, if you tell me 20 years, one years ago after the diagnosis that he was going to be able to do that, I would say, nah, no, no, no.
And now he’s doing it and he is still learning. And he, and every day he teaches me something new. Instead of I’m teaching him, he teaches me.
And I, I have to say, I admire him, how he handles life, how he handles the chaos, in the lifestyle day, how he handles the uncertainty, the changes, abruptly changes. Sometimes he’s the one, I have moved from three different countries and the, always my, my, my, my worries was about his changes with him. And he take it easier than my daughter sometimes, you know?
So this is, this is because we have worked a lot.
Kat Lee: Finally, new parents, seeing these obstacles for their child, what would you say to them?
Karla Galvan Duque: It is a very difficult journey. It is, I know I, people say right now that I am the mom, it’s admired, but nobody wants to be me. I understand.
But, but once you have a kid, once you have a baby, it’s, you have to do everything for them. I mean, I will give my life to my three, three children, even though they’re not children anymore. Just knowing that even though it’s a very difficult journey, that you have your ups and highs and your, your ups and highs, sorry, your ups and downs, your downs could be terrible.
It’s, I mean, you don’t want to be the downs. I know that. I’ve been there and I know it’s, I’m going to be in downs a lot of time, you know?
But, but at the end, not the end, because I’m still working, there’s no end, but you can see then behind after 21 years, I will say, look, what have we done as a family and where he is? And so there’s no, there’s no impossibles. And if there is impossibles, then you make it possible.
And if you cannot make possible, you ask for help. It’s, it’s important that you ask for help. It’s okay.
We are not, we are not gods. We are human beings. And sometimes we need help.
And it’s okay to say, I’m tired. It’s okay to say, I, I, I want to throw the towel, but next time I will tell you, you can be three days, your towel is going to be on the, on the floor. But the three days after you have to take the towel again and put it on the place because nobody’s going to do it for you.
So it is very hard. I know that you didn’t ask for that. I know that sometimes you don’t even want to get out of it.
But, but it is possible.
Kat Lee: And thanks for joining us for Autism, A New Perspective, the podcast show where we help you understand what is going on in the mind of your child. And we encourage you that growth for your child is possible. I’m Kat Lee.
See you next time.
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