23 Ways to Help You Communicate with Your Child

This guest blog post was written by RDI community parent, Di Maitland. You can read the original article at the Bright Side of Life.com

1: Stop talking so much:  

2: If you do talk, stop repeating yourself, say something once and then pause.

3:  Pause (a lot) and give the child time to process the information.

4:  Pause for as long as it takes, at least 45 seconds.

5: No reaction? How close are you to the child? Are you at the child’s level?

6: No reaction? Make a small noise, perhaps gently clear your throat or click your tongue.

7: No reaction? Gently touch the child on the arm and wait for the re-connection.

8: Eye contact. Think of it this way – it might not be a case of the child being scared of eye contact, it actually might be because the child doesn’t understand the importance of referencing a face for information.

9. Child still not referencing? Make sure that you are at the child’s level, make a little noise, wait for the connection. Spotlight the connection with a lovely smiley face.

10: Child still not referencing? Bring in a favorite activity. Blow a few bubbles and then pause.. Wait for the connection and a possible response. Big smiley face and blow again. Push your child on the swing, pause and wait for the connection and possible response. Big smiley face and push again.

11: When the child gets the ‘why bother’ of referencing a face for information, start bringing in more facial expressions and exclamations. A big smiley face = “That made me so happy”. A sad face = “Ouch, I bumped my knee!”

12: Start using your eye gaze to share information. Exaggerate those eyes and look towards a place that you would like the child to look at. Perhaps you are doing a puzzle together…. look towards the piece that you would like the child to pick up. When the child feels competent with eye gazing within a close proximity then extend to other areas of the environment. “I can see the blue car over….. (use your eye gaze)….there!”

13: Bring in that body language along with your facial expressions. Over emphasis your movements. Shrug your shoulders, turn your face, body, arms. Think about your natural movements and then expand on them in order for your child to pick up further communication cues.

14: Don’t forget to pause (a lot)

15: Cut back on your use of imperative language. Asking numerous questions does not give the child the opportunity to *think* about their response. “Show me the blue car” doesn’t require much thinking on their part!

16: Increase your declarative language. Use your words in such a way to invite a response. Give the child a chance to hear what you have said, process the information and then plan their response. “That blue car looks fun to play with”.

17: Don’t expect your child to read your mind. Use declarative language to *suggest* what is about to happen. “I need my car keys”. “Hmmm, I can’t see your shoes”.

18: Share your thoughts using declarative language in order to help your child become aware that you may have different thoughts to them. “I really don’t like the taste of your yogurt!”.  Think aloud.

19: Remember the 80/20 rule (80% delcarative, 20% imperative). Believe me, it works! Oh, and when you become accustomed to using declarative language it actually becomes second nature.

20: For children who battle with transitioning, chanting a few words works a treat. “We are walking, walking, walking”. “We are walking to the car, we are walking to the car”. If your child is receptive to holding hands, gently sway arms backwards and forwards to the rhythm. A musical sing song voice can also be helpful

21: Slow down. Take your time, there is no rush!

22: Ask yourself the following questions

Am I doing too much for my child?
Am I jumping in too quickly and giving my child the answer?
Am I giving him the chance to listen, process, plan and respond?
Is my child thinking on a conscious level?
Is my child making his own decisions?

23: “Empower your child to be a problem solver rather than direction follower” ~ Linda Murphy