Nonspeaking autism can feel extra scary for parents.
They fear they’ll struggle to create a deep bond with their child, or that they’ll overlook crucial cues about their child’s emotions.
But the parent-child bond is bigger than an autism diagnosis, and there are effective ways to open pathways of consistent, loving dialogue no matter your child’s level of verbal communication skills.
Autism is called a “spectrum” for a reason – autism exists on a spectrum which includes endless shades of communication skills. No two children – including those without autism – communicate in exactly the same way. The key is to understand that your nonspeaking child is already communicating with their own, completely unique methods, and to learn how to engage effectively.
This article will help you see beyond the confines of the spoken language to understand how your child is communicating with their body language, facial expressions, and more. You’ll also learn how to encourage your nonspeaking child to ‘speak’ to you, no matter their spoken-language skills, so you can continue to deepen your communication and relationship.
Misconceptions about autism and communication skills
In the past, special needs educators placed undue emphasis on language development. If a child’s communication skills lacked verbal language, they were seen to be unable to communicate at all. Thankfully, modern autism researchers and specialists know better.
Related: RDI® Consultants talk communication!
What constitutes “communication”?
Communication is now recognized as far broader than words and the ability to speak them. Tone of voice, facial expressions, sounds, and touch all communicate. Pictures and drawings are forms of expression. And all are useful tools that can help you interpret your child’s emotions and share yours in turn.
Ultimately, communicating with your nonspeaking child requires a mindset shift. Try to reframe every interaction, from shouts to snuggles, as communication – as the way in which your child makes themselves known and understood. Nonspeaking autism doesn’t stop communication, and autistic children can still share the full range of emotions if you know how to listen to and interpret them.
Communication methods you can share with your autistic child
Every parent wants positive social interactions for their children. Here are some ways you can help develop meaningful communication, no matter what your child’s level of verbalization.
Listening to your child’s cues
The first step in communicating with your minimally-verbal child is the same solid foundation of all good communication: listening.
Autistic individuals don’t always use words, body language, or even eye contact to express themselves, so your job as a parent is to tune in to the special way your child talks to you. Note every cue, from their posture to the tone of their sounds. Observe whether those subtle hints are linked to a pattern of behavior or emotion.
It can be tempting to confuse “listen” with “analyze”, charging your child-parent interactions with expectations and scrutiny. Simply observe. Watch with an open mind and take mental notes without judgement. Your child’s communication isn’t right or wrong, positive or negative – it’s just theirs, and tuning into it (without over-analyzing it) will reveal keys to their wonderfully complex emotional depth.
Related: Dr. Sheely talks non-verbal communication cues!
“Telling” without speaking
When it’s your turn to communicate, incorporate methods and tools that meet your child where they are rather than pressuring them to adopt your preferred communication style.
Notice how your child reacts to your own body language, tone of voice, and nonverbal communication cues. Which ones seem to have the most impact? Which ones evoke a positive response? You might think a hug is calming for your child when they’re upset, but it’s possible that physical contact isn’t right for them in that moment. They may need space, and they may be trying to tell you that nonverbally.
Share your thoughts and emotions via the tones, actions, and words that are meaningful for them. Communicate safety with peaceful, calm tone of voice and gestures. Communicate love with a hug if they want one, or simply closeness – sitting side-by-side to look at a toy or book they enjoy, or gazing through a window at the sunlight. Your time and attention are foundational to any child’s feelings of security and safety.
When you’re speaking, provide insight into your own “inner dialogue” so that your child knows what it sounds like. Model language that’s free-ranging and not prescriptive, so your child understands that varying, complex feelings are acceptable, and that they’re safe to express themselves in their own way, too.
Sign language might be helpful for your nonspeaking child, as it offers a way to express the same emotional range as verbal language without the need to speak. If sign language is an option, start incorporating hand motions to express simple feelings, and use it consistently so they associate the feeling with the sign.
Build a communication board
A picture exchange communication system (PECS) allows autistic people who have difficulty talking to hold full, back-and-forth conversations with their communication partners. However, these tools can be rigid in their methodology and might not provide the flexibility you need in conversation with your child when they are younger.
Instead, create a communication board – a tool that displays pictures, symbols, and words which aid expressive communication. The symbols or pictures on your board will convey messages, like the item your child wants (food, a favorite toy) or the emotion they’re feeling (sad, tired, excited, etc.). They could be static (simply printed pieces of paper which display pictures of everyday items or feelings) or dynamic (using a speech-generating device), as long as it’s accessible for your child and easy to incorporate into an everyday, family situation.
Encourage your child to use their board, and include the entire family in it, too. Use it as a way for siblings to communicate to one another and for you to tell your child what you’re feeling or thinking about. This allows your child to participate in a conversation, supporting their brain development and building stronger, more meaningful family-wide communication habits.
Unscripted, everyday moments are the most powerful
Every interaction is an opportunity to encourage communication with your nonspeaking child, but that doesn’t mean every interaction should be burdened with communication expectations.
The trick is to redefine “communication” in your family. Using sign language, a communication board, or any other communication method becomes another accepted, natural way that you and your children (including the non-autistic ones) share your thoughts and feelings.
Related: Everyday activities
Start communicating with your nonspeaking autistic child
Nonspeaking autism does pose communication challenges, but it doesn’t have to keep you from knowing and understanding your child.
Many autistic children learn positive and effective social communication skills thanks to steady, loving encouragement from their parents. But first, it’s the parents who need to redefine “communication” for themselves.
Learn how to communicate with your child with nonspeaking autism. Talk to an RDI® Consultant today.
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